And I don't want to go on that date. 2x4 me, 4x4 me, whatever. Other than checking out a hot body I don't see what I stand to gain from going, we have nothing in common at all.
I have obviously got some serious issues of my own to work on. I need to find a way to let go of the dream I had for my marriage and my family.
I cried through church today. Dan was there w/the kids, they sat w/me and he cried too. There was a visiting musical group today, very good bluegrass type stuff. The first thing they did was "I'll Fly Away"...
That is the song Dan's grandma had played at her funeral. That was the last time WE were a WE. I stuck by his side through her sudden death and her funeral, but three months later the farm went up for sale and that is when I committed the ultimate betrayal for him in asking how we could afford to buy a piece of it...six weeks after that he was sleeping with OW.
So Dan cried bc of his grandma and I cried bc it was our last time together as a family. Nathan looked sad bc his daddy used to sing him that at night when we lived together and he never liked it bc it talks about dying and going away, so Dan stopped singing it to him.
This family was amazing, they had 5 of their 8 kids there, all in the family music biz. They talked about a charitable group to support orphans and one of the kids sang a song about a little girl who goes to sleep at night dreaming of having a mommy and daddy. And here my kids have a mom and dad who could be with them all the time but he is too damn prideful and stubborn and selfish to make it happen.
Ugh.
Also I need to check w/my neurologist. I called to refill my meds since my headache came back and I didn't get Cymbalta I got something else I haven't had before...I took it anyway the last two days and I feel like crying all the time?? Will call her tomorrow...
Please don't beat on me too much about this post. I know I 'should' be further along but I am not...
