It amazing what comes about during the crisis. We learn that God truly has to allow these things to happen to more fully bring us to put Him first ABOVE our spouses.
I'd served Him, but wasn't growing like I was supposed to. It made room for the devil to interfere(but, then if he didn't interfere, something would be wrong).
Temptation was laid during his MLC, my husband fell to it...and it nearly destroyed me in a physical AND spiritual fashion. It almost ended our marriage, and my life at one point.
The Lord, in His mercy, interfered, making sure I didn't leave in any way, and time went on, with me getting what I had to do/learn.
I learned about my life, our marriage...so many things were so WRONG within our lives.
The husband I thought was so great, wasn't really a good person at all...he'd treated me like crap the first 14 years before the crisis, with the exception of around two years after my dad died.
Even then, he still controlled me like a puppet master pulling the strings.
When the crisis hit, and my eyes were opened to the reality of all that had occurred, I delved within, seeing my inner reality for what it was, the rose colored glasses shattering on the floor. I had to learn to find myself again, as I had lost ME within him and our relationship.
It was during that time that with the help of God, I wrote the stages of MLC, and the lessons that were to be learned, as even I, myself was learning these....and people know where to find those if they need them.
Research was part of the learning/growing, and I did quite a bit of that.
When he exited the tunnel in 2002, he was a changed man, and a much better one. Even though, in 2004, the 7 year old child showed up, many ways he'd been and bad habits he'd had pre-crisis no longer existed. The crisis had done a great deal of work on him. I didn't know him, but was getting to know him again; when the 7 year old persona showed up.
This secondary crisis wasn't anything like the actual MLC, it seemed to be an aspect; a different type of crisis. Yet, I was so far within my own transition that I didn't see much at all until a few years later, when I was coming out.
And, of course, I've detailed what has happened since then in my initial post, and things continue to change in a postive fashion.
We will be married 25 years this coming August.
Many things I had done before, during his initial MLC are not required this time, including the "purging" process, as there is nothing to purge....he did NOT hurt me, or damage me in any way.
I walked a different type of journey this time; it was a continuing utilization of the lessons I'd learned.
In my book, I did marry for life, not convenience, and that had been my attitude; although at times, I was so frustrated, yet, found the strength to continue along this different type of journey.
I had a door "jump" open yesterday, memories from the time BEFORE his MLC, during his MLC, also during my transition around 24 1/2 years worth of memories....and at first I wasn't sure what to do with them...they weren't "tormenting" me...I actually laughed at some of them....realizing once again that there was SO much I HAD forgotten.
The reality of what he had been pre-crisis hit me again, he's nothing like that post-crisis...and I saw where he and I had been, where we'd come from, and a future that's to come....and I understood just how much growing we both had accomplished.
Most importantly, I could see how much growing I HAD done....and I was simply amazed. It came to me that this was just the result of passing from one phase to another....and nothing needed to be "done" about the memories; they would fade once again into the past in a short period of time.
That's not to say they won't come back again at another time, but since I'd already emotionally healed from these, they're nothing but another bump in the road to navigate.
I'd wondered within myself if they were also the result of having been out my own transition for these past two years, and a necessary part of the settling down process within me.
This time, I have no clue.
Doesn't matter what has triggered them, I suppose, the fact is, the appearance of those memories has brought me to a deeper understanding of this whole journey.
He, I, and we have come SO far within our lives, some of it apart, but most of it together; each one of us staying committed to the other.
Our jobs were responsible for most of our separation for the past 6 years; that will change, I believe, as we work out a way to spend more time together. We are already in the process of rebuilding our marriage on a firmer foundation than it was before.
But we will figure it all out in good time.
And life goes on.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
