I think this is my home for the next 6 months...

[beingreal]

Thanks Eric. I do love him. Even though it was nearly impossible to live with him, I always have.

I hate the thought that something I'm going to do now is going to cause him further grief--but everything I did before caused him grief, so what's the difference? Except that now I know that it's not my problem, and if he's going to be angry with me, then at least I can make the best life possible for me & the kids for him to be mad at.

I'm damned if I do & damned if I don't when it comes to him.

I will admit that completely dropping the rope is a terrifying thought. It's not the same as giving up on him. It just feels like it right now.


I was cleaning the closet and found the scarf I'd knitted him a few years ago. It made me cry. I folded it up and put it in the box with the rest of his stuff. Part of me wants to keep it. Not the smart part of me, I'm guessing.



btw--My parents are taking the boys to the races after all since I"m on low census time tomorrow & won't be working. So H didn't really get to throw a wrench in the plans, if that was in fact his goal. S6 is feeling much better, thank you all very much. He's such a sweetie.