Gotta start somewhere...

[WCW]

So good to see your post. I know the feeling of wanting to post or writing it all out and then hitting delete. BTDT!

Here's a feeling I get too, and sorry if it sounds harsh because I certainly am not wanting to 2x4 you. You want your H to change, you want him to be the H you want. Was he ever? Can he ever be the H of your dreams? If the answer is no then yes you should move on. Get the D done, stop dragging it out, just do it.

But, my opinion, from being a DB buddy all these years - you want change to happen NOW, because you are changing from your sessions with a C. After 21 years of a pattern of a dysfunctional M you can't expect a night and day change. and you know what? if that happened I would bet it wouldn't last either.

I think you are like me, and we are not good communicators. So....show your H by your actions what you want and how you want a M to be. If he is still active with his affair it won't be noticed. When that affair dies, if you are willing to be there, he will remember the person that you have been for him.

Your H has been like mine, he wasn't happy with me or the M, but he wouldn't leave and just be done with me. Rather than tell me or offer options he went outside the M to find comfort. You can call it cake eating, you can call it living on both sides, whatever. I call it eye opennig for me, and i had to find a way to change me for me, and to envelop the person that H remembered he fell in love with.

If you have honestly loved your H for 21 years then you do love the man he is, the H he is, the father he is, and it is up to you to offer him the pieces he needs to discard to continue in the M with you if he doesn't want to be divorced.

Ok, and now I am hitting submit before I read this all and hit delete.

(((NNP)))