We had a talk last week and he finally admitted what I've known for a while: he's not attracted to me. To hear it from him really sent my heart into my stomach. I knew then that the inevitable had to happen and we decided to separate.
He moved into the spare bedroom and seems like a new man ever since. He seems so much happier. He has started playing music again and actually went out with friends for the first time in months. I think he even got his sex drive back (but not for me, of course).
I suppose I'm happy for him, but in the meantime, my stomach is churning and I constantly feel like I'm on the verge of vomiting. It feels like a slap in the face how suddenly he feels so great, after months of being miserable.
I'm constantly paranoid, wondering who he's talking to late at night (is it that girl from work who is just like me but 10 years younger?)
We still have 6 months on our lease. If I can find an affordable situation to move into, I will, but at the same time if I left here I'd have to make sure he also got a roommate or something so he wouldn't have to break the lease that both of our names are on.
I can't handle living with him. I'm constantly tempted to snoop, spy and check up on him. I don't know why. I keep telling myself that it's out of my control, I can only control my own actions and nothing else, and that helps quite a bit, but the situation still feels like torture.
He acts like everything's ok, still talks to me like I'm his buddy, even tagged along with me and our mutual friends when we went out the other night. He says he's cool with living with me as roommates (of course he is, he hasn't lost anything. all the convenience of living with me, but none of that physical contact or romance that he dreaded so much)
It was my idea to seperate, I told him to move into the other room. Why does the situation seem to work only in his favor and feels like it backfired on me?
