I just quickly scanned your this thread again. I saw one person recommend changing locks, although I might have missed something. One of the benefits of this site is that you can get advice from people that are NOT your friends and family. Friends and family want to help stop your pain, and as a result their advice is biased in your favor. I think DR explains it better.
There are two reasons I don't think you should change the locks. Since she has already taken all the boys stuff, I presume you changing the locks will be some kind of statement, some way to get back at her for what she is doing. I don't think you should be doing anything that is motivated by "getting" her. Only you know what your true motivations are. Be sure you know why you want to do this, and be true to yourself. Take the high road. Only you know if this means changing the locks.
Second, do you know if you have the legal right to change them? I think you should be preparing yourself for future problems so that you can protect yourself and your children. That's why I think you should talk to a lawyer first.
There is usually less traffic here during the weekends, so hopefully Puppy, Robx, or one of the vets will show up soon with better advice for you.
hang in there, Gyn
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
Nothing wrong with the advice I have been given, all of it is plainly put and honestly put.
This is why I am dithering over changing the locks. The long term issues that could arise from such an action are what is scaring me.
At the moment my emotions are clouding my thinking. The advice on here is clinically given - no emotions .
I have spoken to work and I am taking a week off to sort myself out. This sorting out will include 2 things to be done firstly,
1. Arrange to see a Lawyer.
2. Change the bank details.
I will not be changing the locks.
When you explained your reason about going to the police, and having a report taken - this made more sense to me . I will see what the lawyer says about it.
The advice about keeping the higher moral ground is good advice. This gives me an aim to my actions.
I want to avoid knee jerk reactions. I do want to 'do something' as has been mentioned.
Changing the bank account and seeing a lawyer is doing something.
Regards, Gyn
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
It sounds like you have a good plan. Take good care of yourself so that you can stick to it. Make sure you eat good, get some strenuous exercise and sleep.
Come here and post before you take any other actions. That can often keep you from doing something you may regret later. Yes, these emotions overwhelm us all and lead us in poor directions.
I got a lot of good advice here about finding a good lawyer. I suggest you download the NOLO guide to divorce. A vet (karen) here recommended it to me when I was in an emotional panic. Educate yourself; it will help when you talk with the lawyers.
I ended up interviewing three different lawyers before I settled on one. I wanted a lawyer that only did family law. I got recommendations from friends. It was also recommended to me that I get a female lawyer.
The bottom line, knowing my legal rights has made a big difference for me.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
This sorting out will include 2 things to be done firstly,
1. Arrange to see a Lawyer.
2. Change the bank details.
I will not be changing the locks.
. . .
Changing the bank account and seeing a lawyer is doing something.
I agree. I would switch #1 and #2, however. Someone in your wife's current state wouldn't take long to drain your family's finances. The wheels of "justice," on the other hand, move slowly.
I will be doing both things post haste on Monday. The lawyer will be a phone call to arrange a meeting.
-Awoken- I have started reading your sitch..... Sorry for all that you have been through.
Have a man hug on me.
I read a sitch were they were advised to wait 48hrs from the bomb to doing anything. This is good advice and I have taken it on board.
The prayer that was posted to me is bang on target - thanks for it.
A big thanks to you all for taking the time to post to me. It is a big help to know you are not alone.
Changing the locks would be a knee jerk reaction, and the tone it would set could never be undone.
I take all your advice to heart, but as I am in the middle of all this, my head is spinning and my emotions are all over the place, sometimes I may not appreciate your advice at first. It takes time to sink through the fog in my mind.
Forest and the trees syndrome.
Thanks for the lawyer advice - why a female lawyer?
Never heard of NOLO, but I am looking for it later.
There are no shared credit cards, just a shared deposit account for our everyday needs, as were are staring at bankruptcy at the moment. Regards, Gyn.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
Can anyone recommend a good book upon D? I need it to be straight talking.
The DB book is excellent, I need one just as good.
Gyn.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
Thanks for the hug Gyn. Even though I'm looking at a divorce, I still view DB as having made a crucial difference for me, and this forum in particular.
The nolo site has an excellent book on divorce, and you can download it: Link to book
It's good you recognize your own fog! I once read that going through this situation is almost as bad as dealing with a death. It's a life changing experience, but you can use it to change things for the better.
The 48 hour rule is a good one!
Hang in there!
Last edited by Awoken; 05/16/1010:46 PM.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
As I was changing the banking stuff, I felt like I was being nasty and in the wrong.
I just feel so bad at the moment.
Do I tell her about the closed account or let her find out in her own way. I cancelled her phone payment as well. Not in an evil way, but because I don't want to fund her new lifestyle in any way. But she will need her mobile to speak to the kids.
Whatever happens she will be livid.
I feel like I am pushing her away. I know it is wrong to feel like this, but it is how I feel, and it is making me feel very sad.
Regards, Gyn
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
