Need advice. I have to have a conversation with H about bankruptcy. He is in avoidance right now, wants to blame me for our money troubles since I paid the bills - and he's partially right... but he's not taking any responsibility. I know this is MLC and he won't right now, but I want to make sure I don't do or say anything that may come back to haunt me later. Like, if he believes and I don't say it's not true to him - that I'm entirely responsible for our finances right now, will it keep him from reuniting with me later? Do I say gently to him, no, you're also responsible?
The truth is that he filed bankruptcy with his XW before we got together, so everything is in my name, and he is using that to say "see, you handle the bills and all the credit cards and houses are in your name and therefore they are your fault/responsibility." I got him out of that mess, put him on a budget, paid his bills for him, and rebuilt his credit. Then we wound up in the same exact mess now.
I'm going to have the lawyer file on Monday. H is under the impression that he will be able to leave his name off of it. H is a big part of why we will have to file. I'm not saying he's all of it, but he's 75% of it. Another big part is me not being able to say no to him when he wants to eat out or buy a toy or is not getting the job done at the apartment building and keeping the apartments empty for 6-12 months for minor repairs and painting between tenants. I do like to eat out, though... and I admit to that part. My avoidance of the issues was a big part of it also. I have to deal with that, it's one of my flaws. Having helped others out of debt (which I'm really good at - try taking my own medicine, huh?) - I know avoidance gets bad in people in our situations, so it's as common as rewriting history is in MLC... guess we're all wired the same no matter who we are.
Time for me to break the mold here and now, though. I'm filing Ch 13, which is the repayment, and we've separated our finances and I'm doing well already. Getting everything in a budget, I'm not a big spender - although I've been spending a lot on DSD lately - have to stop that. I am seeing this as a new start and although, would rather not have had it come to this, I'm hopeful about my future now.
