I would love to get Pearl's opinion on Burt's wife's ATTITUDE toward him -- dismissive and entitled -- and not just the low-libido issue. It seems to me those are two different issues, and, in fact, if there was something physiologically that was causing me to not be able to fully meet my wife's needs in this area, I would be, if anything, MORE loving and reassuring -- not LESS.
However the brain works in mysterious ways. Since it is shutting down its reproductive means, it is sending out signals to protect itself from all harm. Is she really dismissive and entitled or is she speaking her LL to Burt which is not the one that he NEEDS.
Puppy, I do agree that her attitude and her libido are two separate issues. I thought we were just discussing the lack of sex issue at the moment.
IMO, the dismissive attitude does spill over. She feels that she likes things the way they are, they don't need to change so she isn't going to do anything about it (i.e. investigate what, if anything, is contributing for her lack of desire).
Yes, if BF started suffering from ED I would be supportive and understanding and patient while we tried to figure out the cause and possible cures. But if he refused to acknowledge that it was an issue and refused to do anything about it after I had expressed serious concern then my patience would not be unlimited.
If lack of sex is a dealbreaker for someone then it's a dealbreaker. I don't see how that's any different than if infidelity is a dealbreaker. I'm not suggesting that Burt walk out right now because he's not getting any. What I am suggesting is that if sex is a fundamental part of his idea of marriage, he has discussed this with his wife and made clear his concerns (I'm assuming in the past they had an active sex life), AND she refuses to address his concerns in any way, then he needs to decide if that's something he is willing to give up for the rest of his life.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Burt first let me apologize for hi-jacking your thread.
Puppy,
I have spent the last few day reading Chocolateeyes and Puppy. The first one was much easier to follow than Puppy. Right now I am up to about a year ago and I will keep reading but it is hard to follow the right posts about your sich. OMG I do understand a little bit better where you are coming from. I feel sorry for you for the past 20 years. I haven't finished the last year but by your comments on this thread I can't help think that nothing much has changed. I do think that the time you have been on this board(6 years) you have totally missed what is going on with your W. Of course that is JMHO. You are closer to the sich and I am sure have better insight into it. I think that Burt,you and I are all very similar, at least right now. The time prior to you being on this board I will say that was different(maybe).
Have you ever been able to get your W to get a medical diagnosis of your/her sich? My guess is that you have not but please correct me if I am wrong. I did send you a message in the alt. After reading your sich you gave lots of clues to who you are.
Have a great weekend.
Burt sorry again for the hi-jack but this may help all of us!
Puppy, Finished reading 9 "puppy" threads just now. Wow what a rollercoaster! Towards the end of one of them you are admitting that your W is in a MLC but you didn't see it. You are friends with J3B, has he reviewed your sich at all? Have you ever read the MLC resources? I see 25mlc and you have spoken. She is good! Thats it for the moment.
I have spent the last few day reading Chocolateeyes and Puppy. The first one was much easier to follow than Puppy. Right now I am up to about a year ago and I will keep reading but it is hard to follow the right posts about your sich. OMG I do understand a little bit better where you are coming from. I feel sorry for you for the past 20 years. I haven't finished the last year but by your comments on this thread I can't help think that nothing much has changed. I do think that the time you have been on this board(6 years) you have totally missed what is going on with your W. Of course that is JMHO. You are closer to the sich and I am sure have better insight into it.
Oh, she definitely has issues, but to be honest, I've grown weary over the years of trying to diagnose, fix, or try whatever latest technique or strategy. We get along great, our friendship is better than ever, she's completely faithful now and we're just focusing on raising our kids and our new grandchild. If and when she decides that she wants to address her issues, I supposed she'll go back to the IC/MC we were seeing.
I've grown weary over the years of trying to diagnose, fix, or try whatever latest technique or strategy. Puppy
You have given yourself great advice. I was not suggesting any strategy, or trying to fix. All I am suggesting is a way for you to understand what has happened and what may happen. No expectations.
