Yes I am happy and content, life is generally good. But there's still a nagging bit of my brain that says we're doing the wrong thing and should be working towards reconciliation and not D. I sometimes wish it would shut up and let me be!
I don't think he's either attracted or drawn. I've noticed him looking at my quizzically a few times when we've been together, never on our own though there's always one or another of the kids about.
He says he's in love with OW and wants no more to do with me.
As for pursuing not sure what counts. About a year ago one of the kids needed a quiet place to study so went to live with him for a few months. I suggested that to give her quiet he move in with me and we have a final go at repairing our M. I didn't even get a reply. Too pursuing maybe?
At christmas I asked him if he wanted to join us for dinner, he declined saying that it was no longer appropriate that we do 'family' things together. Same thing at his parents 60th wedding anniversary early this year - I was hurt I've known them for 30 years.
Whenever he picks up the kids for something I'm smiley but am aware that he's uncomfortable so try and give space.
I think I maybe answering my own question here. I've always tried to engage him in family events, one of the things he complained about before he left was that I never put him first by lumped him in with all the kids and treated them the same (it was the only way I could cope with 5 kids in 7years). Maybe I should ask him to do something just the two of us? i did ask him to do that when he first left and it was always a disaster he was so angry with me that we always ended up rowing. But maybe nows the time to have another go?
Anyone got any idea how I can approach this without looking too desperate and pursuing?
