I don't post much anymore, but I read along from time to time and I've been reading you for a while. I'm impressed with the self-reflection you're doing and the learnings your making about yourself and your life. We become really powerful when we start to live conciously.
The whole ex-wife thing is interesting. My xH was well and truely out of his first marriage by the time we got together, and the kids always lived with us but I had a tricky relationship with their mother. I was jealous of her and like you, young and very naive.
It's interesting to me, over 3 years post divorce, still maintaining a very strong relationship with my step-kids, my relationship with their mother has actually become a really nice friendship.
You may or may not have been the OW. It doesn't really matter now. What you are is the children's step-mother and you obviously have a strong relationship with them. That's the basis for any relationship with their mother.
Take it from there - the other stuff is too old to worry about and if she thinks you "stole" her husband and she's not over it yet, you apologising isn't going to help her get over it!
Keep up the good work. This work you are doing now - particularly being honest with yourself about the blinders you've had on to some of Hs flaws and what that means about you - is really tough work, but the lessons will be with you for ever.
Take care, V
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
