She's forcing you to accept an open marriage... You are just commanding a reasonable level of respect from your partner.
Good call Ken, that's an excellent response.
You know an excellent response when all your wife can offer is silence.. you KNOW you hit a nerve there.. excellent work Ken. I am very proud of you.
Note : People having affairs almost ALWAYS accuse their partner's of being control freaks.. its classic script, Ignore it. You aren't doing anything unreasonable here.. your wife is cheating on you and you are protecting yourself and your kids.
The fact is, your wife is controlling things by lying to you. People lie, misinform, and withold information to keep people from making a fully informed decision about their marriage and their lives. Your wife didn't want you to know about her affair because she didn't want you to ask her to end it.. so she controlled you by lying to you... and then controlled you by being warm and nice while cheating on you in secret...
Your wife's been unfairly controlling your marriage for a long time Ken... if anyone has demonstrated an excessive amount of control over the marriage right now its your wife. She's lying, she's pursuing another man in secret, and she won't even talk to a counselor.
She's controlling her marriage right into a ditch... not you.
Is she objecting to family therapy completely or just the therapist you have selected?
You can always invite her to select an alternative one if its someone specific, but I suspect she's just being stubborn.
The thing is ken, you've been mr nice guy for so long I don't think she actually believes you will push her into separation... she doesn't think you have it in you...
She's likley shocked you have been asserting yourself as much as you have been.. its your 180 ken, keep it up.
If she tells you that you are throwing her out, you tell her she's welcome to come back any time she wants to explore rebuilding the marriage with a therapist, but OM is NOT welcome into your home through the internet, telephone, and certainly not the front door.
Tell her she's welcome back any moment, but your household is OM FREE... its HER choice... rebuild a marriage like an adult, or pursue a self-destructive children's fantasy...
