Completely Blindsided

[blind]

It's not that I'm trying to control the situation.... I don't feel at least... it's just that my mind was stewing constantly, thinking on "Is she going to call this week then? What if she dosn't call? She didn't say she would or she wouldn't? Will I be prepared if she does call? What do I say to her? What if she doesn't though? Does that mean I've blown? God, I've blown it"

and so on.

By telling her not to call I was trying to get my head to calm down. I now know that she won't call.

I realise I'm probably not taking the right actions to get her back to me, and that is still what I want... but I guess it's just that I'm losing hope. I feel as though she has made up her mind and wants to push me out of her life as quickly and painlessly as possible... and why am I fighting that? If I can't even understand how she got there so quickly, how can I find a way to address her needs?

I'm trying to understand what I should be doing and how I will be able to function day to day with this... event... but I know I'm not doing too well.