It's been a long time, so I decided to start a new thread as if starting again.
My wife decided to that she "loved me, but isn't in love with me" about 4 years ago. We have gotten back together and tried to make it work several times. usually this lasts about 2 months and she claims it isn't working and wants to separate. About a year and a half ago she filed for divorce, but then pulled the filing and decided to try to make it work.
Last November she said it wasn't working again and wanted a divorce. I asked her to wait until after Christmas. She did. About December 27th she told me her and the kids were moving into her parent's house. When she left to move, the kids (who did not know anything of the divorce) started crying about moving away from me (they were 6 at the time) and she told them that when we sold the house we would all be back together again. After they went to sleep, she told me that she couldn't do this to them and that we had to work it out.
She then started coming over to the house more and more frequently with the kids. They started spending the night and pretty soon they were here full time. She told me that she was starting to have feelings towards me again.
Then about 3 weeks ago, she had a partial hysterectomy. When she came home from the hospital she stayed at her parents because there were no stairs. She seemed to be very cold towards me, but I assumed (hoped) that it was due to the medication.
Two nights ago she met me at the house and told me that she had a lot of time to think and she doesn't see this working. She said that she is going to file for divorce next week (this week coming up) and there is nothing I can do to stop her.
She closed out one bank account and separated our car insurance policies. She sent an email to my mother listing "my" bills and told my mother that I was going to need her support. She said that it is best because our marriage is a sham and she is not happy and if she isn't happy she cannot be a good parent.
I am beside myself and I don't know what to do. Please someone give me some advice. If she files (which I'm pretty sure she is going to do) she is going to feel like she has to go through with it because of other times that she has balked on this. She has it in her head that it's best for the children, but I am not convinced.
Just tonight, my son said to me that when we sell the house I'm coming with them. I just told him no matter what, he's still my buddy and I love him very much. A little while later, my daughter (they're twins) says to me that she wishes we didn't have to be apart because of mom's surgery and she cant wait until we're all together.
I did not tell them about the divorce or anything like that. But I'm not sure what to tell them. Whenever I bring these things up to my wife she get accusatory of me planting things in their heads.
I've read DB and DR, but I need some practical advice for not letting the filing take place. I can't tell her not to because I think it will push her to prove that she's serious. If I ignore it, she will do it just to prove she's serious.
And maybe she is serious. But I truly think -despite this going on for 4 years- that she is making a mistake. I am not abusive, I have no addiction issues, etc. When I ask her what is wrong, she tells me that "we just don't work..."
I'd also like to point out that I truly do not think she is having an affair. If she were, it is truly the lamest affair ever, as she is usually at home or school. I suppose anything is possible, but she has sworn that there is no one else and I am apt to believe her.
She claims to suffer from fibromyalgia, though many physicians doubt the diseases existence. Interestingly, they do treat it with antidepressants. I don't know if it is a real disease or not, but something is wrong and she isn't they same woman I married ten years ago. I often think she suffers from depression, but if I bring it up she gets angry and tells me that I try to blame everything on something else rather that the fact that our marriage has failed.
Can anyone offer some advice? I feel like I'm about to have a nervous breakdown.
