Libby, has it been working for you to be his friend? If it has...continue. I you feel that you need to shake things up a bit and try a different strategy...go for it. If it doesn't work go back to being friendly and happy. Sometimes the "seesaw" approach works, it could push him closer. I don't think you will do any damage if you closely monitor his reactions and adapt quickly.
Quote:
jeopardizing any positives that have been occurring
. Actually this line could five you a clue.
All the best, thinking of you
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Have you tried being dressed to kill and then leaving after your H gets there? You can be happy and upbeat when he arrives and mysterious by having somewhere to be.
I know it seems like playing games, but I do believe it gives them something to think about.
I did a lot of reflecting last night on the path we as a family are currently walking. I realised that H has made huge strides towards home since he started his journey and I am at the point of starting to push. Other LSB have identified this as a problem so need to side step it if I can.
We know this all takes time and patience and yet I am ready to jepardise his path forward by changing my approach. Even when I got it wrong at Easter he kept coming home and showing me positives.
I have to remind myself that just because he is back in the tunnel doesn't mean he isn't making progress. Amazingly I feel I have detached further. Each time a new bomb is dropped my sadness lasts for less time and I recover more quickly. This is the only way to survive isn't it.
One big positive from this is the kids and I are so much closer and they know I won't let them down. Unfortunately one S is struggling again with H not being here. This is one of the consequences of H being around more it reminds S of the 'old days'.
But S is also very astute emotionally and I think he feels a difference in his dad as well. This makes S want to push and has already said I wish we were back to normal.
I will contniue to GAL and do the things I want to.
So I will watch and wait. Contnue to see the positive and not dwell on the negatives.
Today has been a very interesting day brought on by a dream/thought I had last night. It was so real it woke me instantly and I couldn't get the words or the way they were said out of my head.
I don't remember dreaming just hearing my H voice very plainly in my ear. He said '' ***** I don't know what to do'. It was so vivid and clear, just as if he was beside me. It was a real plea from the heart. It has impacted on me all day. Normally I would always support and help him. But this plea goes unanswered.........
Despite being detached this really gave me a wobbly feeling.
None communication continues for both me and the children as H withdraws big time into the MLC tunnel.
It was soooo real I expected to see him a sleep next to me. It has made my heart sad all day.
I am a helper (control) by nature and I need to know he's ok and I can't I have to give him space and time and continue to let God support and care for him.
