NM, Your WH SUCKS big time and I hate his guts today too!
Sorry, mean spirited and all, but heck, sometimes a bit of outraged solidarity helps!!!
You are super active in spite of everything and I am so impressed that you are getting up, cleaning, buying, calling friends. OK, so you ball your eyes out inbetween but that's just FINE for the moment.
You have been so strong for so long (and I could tell when I first met/read you how strong you had been for so long) and maybe now you need this breakdown/release time... You have been on such a journey and thrived and kicked ass and... well, far out, at the end of the day you are human and need love and need someone to care for you too.
Your WH has someone to hold him at night. That's the reality. But it's HIS life. Yours is infinitely more courageous and worthy, and I know you are going to find happiness again because people like yourself always have something good waiting for them around the corner.
Anyways, ranting here, but go through this dip and accept it. You are doing all the right things, including crying.
The worst thing would be to sit in a corner and slump.
Through the pain, you are picking yourself up, and I see, helping a lot of other people in pain also visitng and contributing their sitches. BRAVO!
