The Court of King Caractacus

[lees]

Ladies, all this medical speak makes me feel at home here! The fentanyl/buprenorphine patches are indeed fabulous things for chronic pain.

On a more serious note I do hope that you're both doing OK with your respective neck/back stuff at the moment.

I have an awful lot of questions about my WAW at the moment. Seems to come in phases, and I suspect some measure of it fuelled by her contact by text. I don't feel disturbed by it anymore, I think it just jostled things around in my head a bit and brought my sitch a bit further forwards in my priority list again temporarily.

My wife is a wonderful, intelligent, beautiful, sexy, witty, caring, generous, fantastic person. The WAW is something quite different in the same body.

I wonder if she thinks about me at all, or is merely entirely consumed with thoughts of the ridiculous OW.
I wonder if she feels any regret or remorse.
I wonder if the turning up in person with the money and the text this week were evidence of her reaching out to me.
I've no idea if she's still with the OW anymore, and I have no way of finding out.
I wonder if she's sold her wedding dress/rings, and what she's done with our wedding photos. She still has some posted on facebook, but then she's also still married as relationship status on there as well.
I wonder if she's replaced them all in the house with photos of her and OW.
I wonder if they go running together.
I wonder if WAW has suddenly become interested in shopping for italian designer leather goods and given up her lifelong obsession with football (too common for the OW).
I wonder if she's been back to the solicitors to finalise the legal separation papers and pay the fees. It all happens without any intervention once those have been submitted to court. Just a case of waiting 2 yrs for it to become a dissolution.

How can anyone want children all their life, and then at the age of 32, when surely the biological clock begins to really hammer at you (it has with me anyway) suddenly decide it's never going to happen without trying?

I am desperate to have kids, and very conscious that I'm cutting it a bit fine with finding a new partner, spending enough time to be sure it's the right one, then getting married, and then trying to concieve. She was always in such a rush for the kids thing - it was always me slowing it down, saying no, lets have at least a bit of time for us alone, a year or so after the wedding before we start trying, time to save up etc. She was desperate to go first in terms of carrying a baby, and I would have our second child.

Will she ever regret it, and when will it be? How long must I entertain the option of reconciliation?

I know there are no answers to the above questions, but I still want to wrap up the universe in a ball and wring it out until all the answers are squeezed out one by one.