This digging into his R with her is not helping you. If anything, you are obsessing with it more now than you did in 2008 and 2009! You must exert some mind control. You don't need to meet her. She is gone. He is done with her. Focus on your family, the kids and him. Do not waste another moment of your time on her. It is neurotic to worry about the past. It cannot be changed. It is over and done.
