I like the hidden stuff idea! Ladies, what are some good ideas for things guys can hide for women? For example, if you left your jacket in the car of a guy you were dating, what would you like to find in the pocket when he returned it to you?
We did it. A pair of pants, a casmere sweater,a few tshirts, a shirt, books... Some cosmetics she had left in his apt, all thrown away. No love notes, cds or anything similar. Those must be kept somewhere else.
He answered many questions. She actually played with my son in 2007 at a play ground. He was still living here. He said he was angry at her for that. She was much bigger part of his life than my mind can "get". And now? She is "out"? Is my H able to replace people so easily?
Or how about a clue leading to a romantic rendezvous...
K, yeah he got rid of that "stuff". Your H still had you in his life. He still had the kids. She was an extension outside of that. Think of it as having an unpleasant growth removed.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
We did it. A pair of pants, a casmere sweater,a few tshirts, a shirt, books... Some cosmetics she had left in his apt, all thrown away. No love notes, cds or anything similar. Those must be kept somewhere else.
He answered many questions.
I'm so glad.
Originally Posted By: Kalni
She was much bigger part of his life than my mind can "get". And now? She is "out"? Is my H able to replace people so easily?
Kalni, did you ever have a boyfriend before your H? Someone who you loved and shared a lot with? If so, is that boyfriend "out"? Did something shift inside you so that you still have the memories, and maybe even some warmth and goodwill, but they don't have that real estate in your heart any more? I'm guessing that's what your H feels for OW now.
(((Kalni)))
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
So glad you guys got rid of the stuff and that you did it together...
There are people in life that I have had feelings for and at the time I thought I could not imagine life without them. Then years later I wonder wtf the big deal was about that person, anyway... Some people occupy our thoughts for a short time, some for a life time. For you guys, it sounds like she was the former and YOU are the latter...
I was married before. And it was a great love. But ended after 7 yrs of a R including 3 of a M. But not on the expense of other persons. I need help here guys. Serious help. It seems I cant move forward. Sometimes I am going back to "basics" to: "how could he do this?"... I know, useless.
I may need to find an IC. I dont think I will ever get past this. I do feel the need to see her )OW) but I am thinking I will then feel another need and then another and I will keep spinning my wheels without getting unstuck... I dont care how nice he is, I am doubting we can ever have a solid R.
He told me today, the slept almost every night together in 2008. Practically living together.She knew he was coming to me in 2009 and she accepted going back to "once-twice a week". How pathetic was she?
This digging into his R with her is not helping you. If anything, you are obsessing with it more now than you did in 2008 and 2009! You must exert some mind control. You don't need to meet her. She is gone. He is done with her. Focus on your family, the kids and him. Do not waste another moment of your time on her. It is neurotic to worry about the past. It cannot be changed. It is over and done.
Talking about the past over and over like PTSD survivors do till it not longer phases them?
More affection and security from hubby? For him to lean on more for support during your hurting times?
Writing letter after letter to the OW and/or to hubby venting your hurt and anger and then leaving them somewhere? (I typed long emails and just saved them- felt good)
My hubby asked me once... "what the hell do you want from me?"
I realized I really didn't know. I really thought about it and I realized I wanted him to take away the hurt he had caused me.
I later told him this and told him what things I needed from him to facilitate that. And it worked. He worked on changing himself becuase he liked the changes it brought in me.
What would work for you?
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
June thats' what I meant when I wrote that I sense I will keep looking for something ...magical to take the pain away, and no matter what he does, I am expecting the next thing to "do it" for me, and then the next and the next and NOTHING makes it better.
Sara, I am obsessing, I know. MAybe all this "thing" happened to teach me a lesson different from what I thought it was. Maybe I am supposed to learn that some things cant be forgiven, some loves just cant be mended or even that my love for him, isnt as big as I convienced myself it was... Maybe my "strength" has reached it's max and it still isnt enough.
One thing is for sure. If I keep being like this, we stand no chance. There is too much resentment and hurt coming out from deep inside. What I am currently doing is bottling it and keeping quiet so it wont bring up fights or bad words. I am starting to believe I am leading him AND the kids on.
