Well, now I need the Heart of Gold drive to leave this improbability behind.
Oh, friends--X emailed me asking me to call. I emailed back, sure,about 1:00, can you tell me what this is about? no answer.
Short--They're getting married. He felt he wanted to get it to me in person. He said he wanted to tell me in actual person. He said something like if I wanted to get together to talk, ask questions, he was willing to do that. I said something like I asked that months ago, and you didn't want to, and I wasn't aware that he was now willing to do so.
He said with some frustration: I've been trying to get together for months!
I said: it always seemed to be about the house, or the bills. You never indicated you wanted to talk about personal stuff.
He said: well,l was trying, and it seemed like you were putting up the barriers.
well, yeah, trying to save my heart and my life.
Anyhow, I managed to be calm, said congrats, asked when the wedding would be. He said he didn't know that, that it would be small, no big event.
I thanked him for letting me know. I asked again--if you want to talk, what are you proposing? a counselor? what?
He said he wasn't proposing anything, just letting me know he was willing.
I don't feel that now is the time to ask anything. What could I say?
Oh, and karma is there somewhere--he broke his leg unpacking the truck.
Couldn't happen to a nicer guy.
So--from a contented afternoon weeding MY yard, to the bath towel on the floor howling.
Oh, god, if I had only spoken my heart and asked him to marry me--I had wanted to do so for some 3 years--but our communication..anyhow...I need all your help and support now.
