Changing the locks is an option, but this will be done when things turn really nasty. Again keeping things to the same level for now.
Is her name on the house title or mortgage? It may not be legal for you the change the locks until that is changed.
On the other hand, if she is still on the mortgage, then she may still be obligated to help pay the monthly payments. Does she expect a share in the equity of the house? A portion of those payments likely go towards equity.
Again, I think you need to see a lawyer right away. This stuff is complicated, and our emotions really lead us to poor choices. I could tally up the advice I ignored out of fear of driving my WAW away, but you get the point right? Don't view seeing the lawyer as a step towards divorce, but as a step in protecting your family.
If the house was bought during the marriage, then it doesn't matter whether or not her name is on the house title or mortgage...the house, and any equity, is half hers...up until the time that she left the marriage. And so are the financial obligations of maintaining the house...up until the time that she left the marriage. I agree with Awoken...see a lawyer. Don't operate on the basis of fear...fear of driving her away. Operate on the basis of strength, sound logic and reason.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change The courage to change the things I can And the wisdom to know the difference.
You have to accept that you cannot change her mind. Only she can do that.
We have all done things wrong. Is there anything you can change? What is NOT working?
Protect yourself. That is not doing anything against her, it is doing it FOR you. Change the locks. If she chose to leave, it is no longer her home, and why should you give access to her?
One of the key ingredients is allowing yourself some peace of mind. In the grand scheme of things, why allow your W to continue to have the things she wants, while making your life miserable? Remember, this is what she wanted...she did not want to be with you. So let her see what that is like. You don't need to be mean or cruel. Just allow her to see you living your life, without her.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change The courage to change the things I can And the wisdom to know the difference.
I've got the serenity prayer up on my bathroom mirror. It's gotten me through many days now. I don't remember who here first directed me to it. I then got it again from al-anon. Of course I grew up with it, but applying it in our various sitches is really helpful.
I hope Gynandtonix takes it to heart.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
I have decided to change the locks. is this right?
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
My family and friends are all telling me to change the locks.
Some on here agree with this, some dont.
It is an action that would inflame things, and possibly accelerate things towards D.
Is there any advice from someone who did change the locks - what was the result. Would it help the sitch?
Gyn.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
And I damned sure wouldn't do it until I'd been to the bank and changed the access to the joint accounts.
This is why someone suggested filing a police report. Because if you DO decide to end up changing the locks, you can reasonably state that "I was concerned that more joint marital property was going to be stolen from the house."
