I have come home to an emptied house....What next?

[Awoken]

Well I have boys now till Monday am when I take them to school.
I asked for this and she agreed.

Good!

The first tears I have shed where when I hugged the boys for the first time since the split.

I'm sorry buddy. It's gotta be tough, and it's ok to have those down times. You are gonna need to prepare yourself for these moments. Some say it's bad for the kids to see you cry. My point of view is that it's ok if the see it as part of your grieving process, but they need to know you are strong and handling things. As scared as you are, imagine what they must be thinking. It's been a struggle for me too, so I understand. I get my crying done in private, and present as happy and strong a dad as I can. When I'm really sad, they know anyway, and I acknowledge it and tell them it's ok to be sad, it's part of the process, and no matter what we will all be ok.

Me and the WAW spoke.
It was mainly a cordial blame game type conversation.
When she rose her voice a little I told her to stop with the aggression and to lower her voice.
When she swore, I told her to stop swearing.

When She started to nit pick, I told her to stop. I asked if she wanted to have conversations where all we did was get angry and raise our voices, swear ect, or did she want to keep out of the blame game and keep it cordial?
She agreed to stop the agression and keep it cordial.

Sounds almost right. You stay calm and collected, and when she escalates you should say something like "I'm unwilling to continue talking if this isn't cordial", or something like that. You can't tell her what to do, and shouldn't try. Tell her what your boundary is, and what you will do. Then live it.

I simply told her to stop just blaming me and to look at herself as well.

You can't teach a wayward anything. Stop trying. She can't/won't hear you.

I asked her how this is a better arragement, than her being here and working on it.

I asked how is this better for the boys.

I asked her to tell me what she had done to repair our M.

She had no answers.

She is giving you answers. She moved out and took all the boys stuff. She doesn't want to reason with you, that is likely why she didn't respond. You need to stop trying to convince her of anything.

All she does is blame me, I just want to hear her accept her role and involvement in all this.

You may be waiting forever. Stop making this about her, and start taking care of yourself and your boys. Let her go. I know it's hard, but it's what you need to do. One of the great things about this forum is that there are hundreds of histories told in thread form that can help you understand what you should be doing.

She did get very angry when I spoke about how this was planned and executed - she especially disliked it when I said that she had been scheming behind my back.

When she left she was angry and a little upset - perhaps not the best frame of mind for her to leave in with regards to our R. But this will be forgotten in the comming months I am sure.

You've got to stop talking with her about any of this. Adopt the mindset that you are moving on with your life, pursing what you need to do to be a happy Gyn and a great father. Don't be mean to her, just too busy with your new life.

Basically I will not allow her to just blame me and allow her to ease her mind.

I don't know Gyn, I think this mindset is trouble. You can't control her. She will blame you, and you can't control that. More importantly, you need to stop worrying about what she thinks. The idea is to not fight the WAS. This doesn't mean enabling them, but you should avoid anything that is retributive or getting back at them. If her mind is eased, maybe she will think clearer.

Wedding ring will stay on for now. My actions will remain at the same level as hers for now.

Take off your ring when it's the right time for YOU. Your actions don't need to be about her right now.

Hey, sorry if this commentary is tough. I really feel for your situation. The idea of her taking the kids, and all their things from their home really got to me. Hang in there!