AC, I just don't know. She's all over the place. She talks about MC, then says she doesn't want to tell you stuff and if you ask her anything ... that means you're being controlling... , but wants you to tell her stuff.
Maybe it's time to say... ya know what... maybe MC is the way to go here... you've got me chasing my tail.
I dunno what to say to help you AC - she's got us all confused... and maybe it's like Timeheals said: above our pay grade. I'm afraid of giving you the *wrong* advice, to be honest. *hugs*
Abbey
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
W is in contact with OM daily. Says she just needs a friend. Is it possible she is in denial about being in love with the OM?
I think I need to walk away from this. The only person getting destroyed is me.
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
I think I need to walk away from this. The only person getting destroyed is me.
I don't know what to say on the denial part, but I'm sorry to hear you're feeling destroyed. That's a pretty powerful word and emotion and I'm sorry you're in that place. No matter what you decide to do, you've got my respect and support, as I'm sure you have from everyone here, plus your friends and family too.
I guess you have to take good care of yourself first, before you can do it for others. Otherwise after a while, you have nothing left to give. To anyone. Including you.
I'm sorry I can't offer you anything constructive about how to manage a spouse having an affair. I just hope you're taking care of yourself I guess, that's all. Keep posting.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
If you feel you're being destroyed, you need to get away, to protect yourself. You need to heal, and being exposed to your W while she's involved with OM keeps your wounds fresh.
Doesn't have to be forever, but give yourself a break. One thing I've learned, time has a way of clarifying situations and healing souls. After "hanging in there" for a year, I finally said enough, and walked away for 3-4 months to live my life and heal. Did wonders for me, and you know what? My W missed me, and is now expressing real interest in reconciliation. Interesting thing is, now I don't know if I want her back.
I agree with futureunknown. I had to finally remove myself from the "toxic" R with my W for my own sanity and healing. It has been 1 month and I do feel a lot better. I was just tired of being the "gay boyfriend" as Puppy put it and when she finally chose to sleep with OM that was the last straw. I felt that I deserved better and had put up with a lot of crap for the past year and that I needed to look out for me because she wasn't and I was the only one who could.
I started being around people that wanted to be with me instead of trying to be with my W who didn't really want to be with me and she was "doing me a favor" by spending time with me. I had been spending the last 6 months focused on giving my W "space" and it finally dawned on me that I needed "space" to heal.
Just an explanation of my sitch and you have to do what is right for you. Best of luck!
Me48 WAW46 M24 yrs S24 D21 D19 EA disc 6/09 2nd EA Fall 09 I move out 11/12/09 W and I switch 1/14/10 D Filed 3/17/10 W moves in with OM 6/8/10 D Final 6/21/10
hmmmmm, what's that coined phrase here? If it's not working do something different.
Happen to notice a repitition to your daily postings yet?
Hey dday,
Are you talking to me or any chance?
Just wondering!
Me48 WAW46 M24 yrs S24 D21 D19 EA disc 6/09 2nd EA Fall 09 I move out 11/12/09 W and I switch 1/14/10 D Filed 3/17/10 W moves in with OM 6/8/10 D Final 6/21/10
I have been trying to be there for her. To be her friend. The 180 would be to drop the rope and cut off all ties. Hard to do when she is napping in our bed and hanging out at our house instead of at her apt. She freely admits she is not thinking clearly. I think the idea of D gives her something to focus on, a goal to attain. How sad.
I leave week after next for 3 weeks. Hope she uses that time to contemplate her situation, instead of spending time with OM. We shall see.
I am going to be much much less available between now and my departure, and will not contact her once I leave. However, we are going to a MC on Monday. She wants me to open up my thoughts and feelings.
I would love some insight on how to handle the MC.
If you think this message is filled with mixed and confused thoughts, welcome to my world.
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
Ok,.. MC... Monday. You're confused, and you feel like you're chasing your tail.
Now... careful... with the examples you use etc: you say she's napping at your house, in your bed etc. If you bring that kind of thing up... she might stop doing it.
That said, I think that NC for 3 weeks is wise. Force this issue with her. Give her a little dose of reality without you. You're coddling her and it's got YOU chasing YOUR tail. So somewhere along the lines you need to do a 180. The forced 3 weeks will give you that chance without looking like the bad guy.
Her depression is something she need to get a grip on and what's causing it, what she's going to do to help herself to break it. Is she bi-polar by chance?
Abbey
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
