I am sure some vets will follow me here on this but you seem way too focused on what H is doing and doing to YOU.
When you detach (and this won't happen overnight but HAS to happen) you gain control of your emotions and reactions to H. It is hard when you live together but it can be done.
I use this anology and I'll apologize for the profane upfront but it seems to fit:
Do you feel like sh!t?
Well guess what. YOU are the operator of the sh!tmaking machine. YOU control it. YOU decide what it produces. Only YOU can turn it on and off.
Think H controls you? Only if you give him that power.And...
...we already know you can't control H so....
What is your machine going to make today?
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
