I should point out that the reason I tend to go off on a monologue with WAH is that he is not 'there'.
I think this is how the dynamic goes.
+ Both of us greet each other with smiles and intention to pass a peaceful and perhaps even friendly moment.
+ I ask WAH for involvement/assistance in a non pursuing way. Just trying to be adult and communicate about practical things which need doing, esp since I am about to have a baby
+ WAH agrees but without enthusiasm, and offers nothing above and beyond that.
+ I say there is more that needs to be done/discussed/sorted and reproach him for not being more pro-active
+ WAH makes facial expression and goes quiet like a 5 year old who is being told off, but is sulking and stubbornly refusing to engage
+ I get frustrated because I am not dealing with an adult, where give and take is possible, where things are negotiable. I start to monologue...
+ I ask WAH to engage with me, my frustration rising...
+ WAH gets more withdrawn and 'bashed up' looking (and I'm not even shouting, just talking away at myself 'cos there is no adult in the room)
+ I ask WAH when he is going to start being an adult, think of something other than himself, stop hiding, start dialoguing & he gets up to leave "I have to go/I don't want to have this conversation now/You and I cannot agree/I am leaving you and want to be with OW"
+ I am angry by now and tell him he's selfish, hateful and cowardly, and tell him to get lost.
Trying to figure out what to learn from the above...
First I see I am unable to stand back, do a 360 and conduct my conversation in a way that is detached, calm and collected. I get sucked into the downward spiral, which I in fact create because I let HIS detachment get to me.
I am trying to use "talk" and LOGIC to solve this.. STILL!! I should know by now this does NOT work. Secondly, that WAH has nothing to offer me today. Nothing. And I refuse to see this reality for what it is because it really frightens me and makes me feel hollow.
