You know what this reminds me of? Something I remember hearing in one of MWD's audiobooks. I don't know if I can remember it quite completely. This is what I do remember but please correct me if I'm wrong. And sorry if this is pretty elementary and obvious. It just popped into my mind when I read your post so thought I'd share:

After the WA has left, don't they gradually come to realize that despite their original assumption (that the spouse was the 'cause' of 'all' their worldly unhappiness) that they're still unhappy? (Which of course makes sense to us because we know that another person can never be the 'cause' of anyone's unhappiness.) But to them, I'm thinking that must not only be fairly confusing to them, it must make them mad! So they continue to look for external things to blame for their discontent. Geez that must be awful to have to deal with. But good on you for no longer accepting all the blame! And good show, too, on not getting sucked into a bad pattern replying to her emails trying to defend and show her you didn't do what she's accusing you of. What a terrific place you seem to be coming to... good work! And even better to see happier days in the future for yourself. Way to go Awoken. smile PG

I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.