I think this is my home for the next 6 months...

[beingreal]

I am impressed Shel.

Don't be...I'm the verge of an anxiety attack today, I think. I don't know what got into me, but all I want to do is call him. I don't know wth I'd say, I just want to talk to him.

I know it's not the right thing to do--so I'm not. I was watching a movie with the kids & my mind just kept going there. So I came here instead. Oh, my poor heart. (I really need to lay off the caffeine maybe.)

I told my parents today that this might take a really long time. My mother doesn't get it--she's considering this a conscious decision on H's part. Well, yes and no. She won't get it. I asked her if she thought asking him back right now was the best move--I got an emphatic negatory on that one. And I don't think doing anything drastic, like filing, is the right thing right now. "So what are you going to do?"

Nothing. Everything. Anything I want that doesn't involve him. And after that, well, I don't know.

Just let me get through today. I'll deal with tomorrow tomorrow.


I don't know what to tell people, or when to say it. So I'm just trying to say nothing. Oh Em Gee, this is so hard.


Seriously...I've got nothin' here. I'm just trying to keep from dialing the phone, so I'm hanging out here.


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Eric, I hope the kids understand one day. I hope they see that it was for the best & I only did it for us. I don't want them to have to live like that anymore. It might be hard with him gone--but it was horrid trying to protect him from his moods.

We are getting a kitten tomorrow, a little black male named Milo. We started this process in March, he's just now old enough to come home. I am so happy that they will have him to focus on from now on. Maybe they won't become so wrapped up in our problems.


Jack--shelbel was a nickname given to me by a coworker that has just stuck for the past 12 years. It was derived from Shelby--which is also not my name, but rather a play on words. lol I wish there was a cuter sotry for you.

I'd love to keep responding but I am exhasted.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!! Thanks for being there for me in my first week of MLCland.