screwing up big time and need help

[elvencat]

So, I'm something of a perfectionist and love using outlines. Here is my current plan. Any and all comments appreciated. Thanks!

IMMEDIATE NEEDS

step 1: Become Self-Sufficient - goals to be completed by 5/15

a. moving into MIL's rental house by end of next week.
1. get mini fridge and microwave moved in.
2. clean main living area, rest of cleaning can be done after move in.

b. Apply for temporary aid till I can get my finances worked out

c. search help ads and apply to jobs - Minimum goal of 5 applications by end of next week.

step 2: Actions toward my H to be changed immediately, and ongoing:

a. stop pursuing behavior
1. no asking for him to spend time with me
2. no texting or calling him unless it's about DD or an emergency type sitch
3. be polite and friendly in convos, but don't try to keep them going needlessly
4. no initiating spouse type touching- hugs, hand holding, cuddling, etc...

b. stop behavior that is either controlling or can be perceived as controlling.
1. no questioning on whereabouts
2. no questioning who he is talking to on the phone
3. no questioning on planned activities unless it impacts DD
4. no making decisions that will involve H without his input
5. no taking over care of DD if H is trying unless he asks for help
6. no demands for his time

c. create an atmosphere that will allow H to feel important in our relationship
1. encourage H to take on care of DD more often
2. request input on decisions that would have an effect on all of us
3. ask for assistance when needed, but not under false pretenses
4. thank H for extra help instead of taking assistance for granted

step 3: GAL

a. be mysterious and look good doing it
1. start an exercising regemine
2. start caring about what I wear
3. get a new hair style

b. find activities out of the house
1. martial arts (when money allows)
2. volunteer at local no-kill animal shelter
3. go to the local park and enjoy the outdoors
4. find a special interest group to join


THINGS TO BE AWARE OF

step 4: Monitor results of Action Changes and GAL

a. is H asking q's and paying more attention?
b. is H pursuing?

step 5: consult a L to be prepared in case we legally separate or divorce

a. find family law attorney with free first consult
b. create a list of questions before consult to be prepared
c. find legal help for low income families

LAST RESORT

step 6: Go dim/dark if H continues to put OW's needs and demands for time ahead of family's needs.

a. return to steps 5 and 6.

(Note: Any kind of request for H to voluntarily quit all communications with OW would result in an immediate backslide and be perceived as controlling behavior at this time. Will monitor results of other actions before attacking EA.)