still separated, headed for D?

[newmama]

NM, sorry if I have missed a beat along the way, but what exactly are your H's flaws (as you see them)?

Why is he a 'wounded bird'?

The only flaws that I see in WH, and I am not putting him on a pedestal here, are that

1)he is insecure when it comes to making friends-not in an arrogant, jerk way (you know those types) but in a shy way. This is his wounded bird side because I suspect he was a victim of bullying or something in his life at one time! He does have a few friends from childhood (I met them when we were dating!) but he claimed to have grown apart from them during our marriage.

2)He is more of a listener than a talker

3)he doesn't like to go to festivals/events because they are so crowded

4)obviously he doesn't let me know about his feelings!

So I would like the record to show that I have brought him out of his shell BIG TIME- his confidence grew so much during our relationship and marriage that he started to become closer to his friends from work (i.e. we would do things with the other couples and he would do things with the guys) and would be open to meeting strangers at get togethers we attended. Unfortunately, OW was a "friend" from work too!

His funny and witty personality shone through and he started to be known as my "funny husband"

I do appreciate good listeners but one of my LLs is conversation. What is funny, though, is that lately I have met some men (not through dating) that liked to talk...about their opinions and themselves, not about life, current events, various topics etc. My WH would talk about those things with me but just had a few statements to say, not expand and explain and justify, which is what I would like more of. So I don't know if the grass is greener in the conversation aspect with other men. I would take a listener again!! I guess I need to learn how to better draw them out, ask different q's to find out more on how they think or why they think or how they feel...

Hey if I am willing to learn to swim and even go on a roller coaster one day, he can go to a freakin' crowded festival with me! He isn't afraid of the crowds, it is because the parking is hard to find, the lines are longer, and everything takes longer! Tough!

[newmama]

I am blabbing a lot lately but I have decided it is time for me to shut up about my hope for my M to people IRL! I get the feeling they just look at me with pity like "that poor deluded woman who thinks her marriage still has a chance."

I signed up for another single parents group where you do stuff with your kids, too. It will be a couple of weeks before I can attend an event but oh well- at least I am getting to know other single people. I still picture my life with WH and visualize drawing him to me, etc. like the plan. But I am lonely! I want to meet more friends and currently I am a single parent! So I hope it doesn't screw up my positive thinking/laws of attraction!

[WhatNow]

I do appreciate good listeners but one of my LLs is conversation. What is funny, though, is that lately I have met some men (not through dating) that liked to talk...about their opinions and themselves, not about life, current events, various topics etc. My WH would talk about those things with me but just had a few statements to say, not expand and explain and justify, which is what I would like more of. So I don't know if the grass is greener in the conversation aspect with other men. I would take a listener again!! I guess I need to learn how to better draw them out, ask different q's to find out more on how they think or why they think or how they feel...

I know what you mean! My H was the same way. It was so frustrating when he told me one of the things he liked about OW was she like to have conversations! Argggh

I still picture my life with WH and visualize drawing him to me, etc. like the plan. But I am lonely! I want to meet more friends and currently I am a single parent! So I hope it doesn't screw up my positive thinking/laws of attraction!

"I am in the process of making new friends in situations similar to mine."

(wanting expresses lack which draws more lack)

[newmama]

Thanks WN! You really are so resourceful!

"I am in the process of making new friends in situations similar to mine."

How about "I am in the process of waiting for WH to recognize OW's true colors and realize he is making a mistake?"

and I forgot to add a big thing about WH being a wounded bird: his first wife left him for someone else- at least she insisted on a D from the get go! He was with her 5 years total; married for 1.5 when she told him she wanted a D because she didn't love him anymore and she loved this other guy. I remember his ex W didn't like his childhood friends (but I did)!

Oh and his exW started emailing him in fall 08 (5 years later) to tell him she made a mistake, has 3 kids in AZ with this guy she left him for and she is miserable and misses him.

[WhatNow]

"I am in the process of waiting for WH to recognize OW's true colors and realize he is making a mistake?"

LOVE this! lol

(BUT change waiting or you will be doing just that...waiting)

[gatsby11]

NM. Your WAH was a LBS? Whoa. That is so crazy.

It's ironic that we both just described our WHs (you'll see at my thread). . . ours are not very similar at all! Except for the insecurity part. That is the same. I wonder if that's a similar theme for all of us; we'll see.

Flowmom, I checked out that book online by Sue Johnson. It really looks great.

Going back to your WH description, NM. . . doesn't really sound like the kind of guy who has an A. Did the OW pursue him?

Just curious.

[newmama]

ours are not very similar at all! Except for the insecurity part. That is the same. I wonder if that's a similar theme for all of us; we'll see.

Well the waywards tend to admit that the reason they cheated was because of insecurity issues. I don't know if MLCers tend to be insecure.

And damn it- I have insecurity issues too but I am loyal as a dog!

Going back to your WH description, NM. . . doesn't really sound like the kind of guy who has an A. Did the OW pursue him

?

Ohhhhhh yes she did! And I warned him and he told me I was being ridiculous- she'd never go for a guy like him. Uhm you'd think that would be a red flag? But I had absolutely no reason to suspect he'd take the bait!

[newmama]

LOVE this! lol

(BUT change waiting or you will be doing just that...waiting)
_________________________

Ok- I am in the process of letting WH pursue me while he is seeing OW's true colors and recognizing he made a mistake.

is this better?

[gatsby11]

So she pursued him. (Eyeroll.) BARF.

That's true; insecure doesn't mean non-committal!

Didn't realize there was much of a diff between wayward and MLC. Is there a post that lays out the different types of WAS?

[courageous wife]

NM! I hope you are keeping records of all of this as someday, when you have successfully busted your D, it will make a good book!