I'm sorry lalxx...very difficult time for you. You know that some MLC's have to go through divorce to end what they think is causing all their unhappiness. I have seen number of examples on this board of spouses that "wake-up" after the divorce.
Hold on to your hope and try to keep a cool head.
(((hugs)))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
juts a bit of an update really. This is a weekend when I have our children. I continue to be NC - leaving the phone near my children when my husband will call to speak to them etc. He texts me pretty much most days saying 'can I call now please?' or 'would it be ok to call now please?' - quite childlike and uber polite....I mainly repsond with a 'yes of course, we are at home'
Last night I got a text from him letting me know that some friends of ours, their daughter had given birth and there had been complications and she was in surgery. I responded 'thank you for tellimg me. Would you mind keeping me posted please?'. My husband sent me a couple of little updates to what he knew immediately after this text. This couple had sent me a letter in September 2009 taking my husband's side and essentially wishing me well but adios - this was just preBomb and they never spoke to me to get my side of the story - they just took everything he said at face value. I was completely devastated as they'd been our friends for 16 years. I have since had e-mail corresondance with the guy and we have an e-mail relationship and he knows my feelings on how I was treated - I also know they gave my husband a very hard time when he was back in touch aroudn christmas time for his lies.
Baby and Mummy and doing fine, she was in surgery and is now out of imminenet danger.
Not sure why this interaction signifies really - he is with OW (basically lives with her when not working/up North with our children) but after the anger and the vitriol of his recent e-mails and solicitors letters it has left me quizical.
Still detached and still NC - GAL and the sun is still shining!
lalxx
Last edited by lalxx; 05/16/1010:15 AM.
Choose Life Me: 45 Him: 44 S:11 D:8 Met in 1992 Married in 1995 Bomb drop September 30th 2009 Divorce final April 16th 2011 exH Marries OW June 17th 2011
You know, lalxx, I have a harder time dealing with the betrayal of our friends than I do of my H. It's sick of me, isn't it? But it hurts. I just want people to KNOW I'm a good, honest person that doesn't deserve to be hurt this way and somehow their betrayal says to me that I'm not seen that way... I'm sorry you went through that but it sounds like you were able to fix some of it, good for you.
Your H does sound childish on the texting thing...
However, if it takes a year for the D to be final, yes, some come back after D. Is your H the type to be stubborn and say "well, no going back now that we're D" or is he OK with admitting he made a mistake? You know him better than anyone else.
Just an update really - been reading and not posting much recently, needed some time to grapple with what's going on in my life!
Back from a week's holiday in Portugal with my 2 children - my husband has been in touch every single day with texts about this and that - I have ignored them unless they are about our children. I managed to have a smashing time and relaxed and didn't over think things too much I am happy to say!
Whilst away my husband has reported my son for being on FaceBook whilst being 18 months too young to have a profile - he reported him as 'what he has done is against the rules and rules are rules.' My son had raised his own profile without my knowledge and I had discussed a way ahead with him so that he could be safe etc. I had texted my husband that we'd needed to talk about it when i got back but he knew best......
Anyway he turned up on Friday to collect our children for the weekend. I was so good I validated what he was saying 'H, I am sorry you feel that I am a bad mother....', 'H, I understand that you are disappointed about our son raising a FB profile......' - you get the picture.
It ended up with him telling me that I have one final chnace to divorce him on teh grounds of his adultery or he will sue me for divorce on the grounds of my unreasonable behaviour - I explained again that I didn't want a divorce and I felt we could still work through our issues and was here. He was angry and exasperated with me, but then sent 5 texts, 2 e-mails and a voicemail message imploring him to speak with him and for me to get real cos a divorce is happening.
My son ahs just dropped by to collecte something for a choir session eh ahs and my husband caught me at the front door and asked if I was ok (of course I am!) and said he'd be away for a week but he'd like to catch up after that to agree the way ahead as the D is happening (fine let me know when is good for you).
He has also told me he'd taken the children to see a set of friends that he hasn't seen for over a year but e-mailed them in November to put his side of the story about our separation.
So, he's on his merry go round again. I am feeling fairly well detached and quite balanced about what is going to happen next and I have my plan to deal with the process of divorce and protecting mine and children's future.
He is a stubborn man so my guess would be there is no going back for him once a divorce was final (fairly certain he wants to marry OW). Things to navigate as currently the children do not know about OW (affectionatley known as Trout Face) yet and I want to hold off sharing that knowledge with for as long as possible.
J3B - sorry I haven't been ignoring you and your post earlier - I am not a depressive person (honestly) and loads of things can change in a year - a D may or may not happen but if it does I will have given it my best shot to keep my M together. Me hitting the big five oh - nah not a problem - intend to throw a bigger party than the one for my 40th and celebrate in style!! Groundfource is alas no more but Charlie Dimmock is stilla round and Alan Titchmarsh now writes steamy novels and presents a daytime show here, like Oprah but with foliage!
thank you for listening - sorry it's such a long post but had a bit to catch up with
lalxx
Choose Life Me: 45 Him: 44 S:11 D:8 Met in 1992 Married in 1995 Bomb drop September 30th 2009 Divorce final April 16th 2011 exH Marries OW June 17th 2011
lalxx - Hope you are coping OK. I see that what's been happening in your sitch is not what you had hoped for.
I don't get why he wants you to file D on the grounds of adultery, is it because it speeds up the process? IMO if he wants to divorce you let him do the work.
((((hugs))))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
