this is hard... patience has never been my strong suit. I want changes immediately...
Today I fnd myself thinking too much... try to figure out what everything means... realize that i a chancing my entire future... leaving it in the hands of someone who ripped my heart out and left me once already. Realize that I can seriously be fooling myself into thinking this could be a step towards friendship.
i tell myself over and over, he is not coming back, just being nice for the baby. just feeling guity bc he left you.. just doing what he needs to do to be a part of the baby's life. All will probably change when baby is born, or when he find a girlfriend. Instead of affirmations i find myself convincing myself that he is never coming back and i shouldnt read into anything. Well, today it got to me... made me feel a bit down. Lots of craziness going on in my life... grandmother in hospital, took a nasty fall, and it really brought me down. Work is crazy and only have weeks to make things perfect for my leave.
i woke up last night and my first reaction was to say to H, hold me... i needed a hug.
