I'm not surprised at all. I have stated this before, men tend to avoid the sadness stage of grief. Women avoid the anger stage. You cannot truly heal unless you go through these stages. When you commit your life to someone, and you really mean it, you commit your life to someone. Now, that is not saying that there cannot be a future with someone else if the commitment is broken. But lets face it, we are not all here because we just decided to move on. We are here because when we made that commitment, we meant it. We didn't want it to be broken.
V1, you have to go through every emotion before you can claim yourself healed. That is why it is recommended that you don't date. The other person ends up being a band aid, and in the end, it doesn't heal us, and may cause us to turn around and hurt someone else. You can't give emotionally right now, and the new lady is certainly deserving of receiving someone who is 100% ready. No matter what she says, it is only fair to the both of you to agree to take a break until you are emotionally more on solid ground.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I know LolaL, but am I just being stupid because I want what I can't have(stbxw)? I feel like I have been through TONS of sadness, anger, acceptance, etc. but after sleeping with another woman I feel like I want to try to fight for my wife again. I feel like a fool in a way for even thinking it.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
I have been talking about this with my counselor, V, do you have one? Sorry I haven't read your whole thread.
In my case I haven't slept with anyone else but I have been on a few dates. (Granted we are D'd as of Feb.) Anyway lately as soon as someone I am chatting with via Match wants to go on a date, I get nervous and pull back. I realize that I am really wanting to be going on dates, kissing, touching my ex. Don't know what that says about us but just know you are not alone!
I do have to remind myself, no matter how much I may want that from my ex, it is not an option. Not now, maybe not ever.
Hi BobbiJo, thank you and no, I do not have a therapist or counselor. I go to a divorce group for children of divorce for my daughter. I go there with my ex and my D8. They split us up into 3 groups and my ex is never in my group. I met this new woman in this divorce group back in November but we only just started talking on April 14th. She talks about sex quite a lot! It was so easy to just go with it because we have a lot of things in common. But... after a coupe of weeks of sexing it up I started to feel these new feelings for my stbxw.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
Intimacy with another woman. Please keep in mind that until this point I have only slept with 2 women in my life. One of those two was my wife. I have been with noone else but my wife since 1997, until now.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
Just to be clear, my wife continues to only talk when I initiate conversation. We have NOT been intimate at all since the bomb last April. My wife shows no signs at all of missing me, loving me, or even hating me.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
I don't think it is a matter of only wanting what you can't have. Again, I will reiterate that when we married, we were serious, for better or for worse. And that is what keeps us in this mode. I don't know who it works for, or why someone moves on more quickly. I will tell you that after my second marriage ended (old pro here...) I was not going to get married. As a matter of fact, I didn't date for almost three years. Until I met the SG, I was pretty content. But now, here it is three years later, and I ask myself the same questions. What is it about this man that I can't seem to let go of?
I have been on a few dates. Even been intimate.
I have to tell you that the intimacy sucked. And I was relieved when none of the dates worked out.
I think, in plain, simple terms, we just love our spouses, ex spouses, or whatever they are.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
