thank you pam for the reminder of listing positives, still today, i am feeling down a bit, not about my relationship perse, just a reall "sad" feeling of life lost
thank you mal for stopping by
just journaling a bit
well, i certainly must be eminating some powerful negative vibes around the house, because since my husbnad has been home he keeps asking if i am ok. i am telling him that i am tired (which i am) i am antsy (which i am) and i seem to have a bit of a head cold (which i do) - how do i seriously tell him that i am doing some major reflecting of my life as of late and it's a powerful set of emotions that are bringing me down
do i feel like a failure? no. do i feel like i could have done better, by all means yes. do i feel like it's a bit too little too late? sometimes i see that.
the issue of trust has gone around the board a ton as of late, but i have no trust issues wtih hubby at this time. i am not worried where he is (work or home) - i don't worry about his phone calls, i don't worry about him seeing anyone - so what are my worries?
my issue is i believe "am i good enough for my husband too love, or is it too late" - have i ruined things so much that there is no reconciling and we are both doomed to a life of living like room-mates for the sake of the kids? i see saw with this very issue - is this kind of life worth it for the kids sake?
we don't fight. we have fun. hubby isn't abusive. so yeah, there are lots of worse places i could be. so why can't i find the happieness? why can't i just be patient? cause this living in limbo land sucks, plain and simple
sure there are positives, every day there are positives, and sure this is about me, not him, but it's about me that i am having the most problem with right now. ugh, i am not making myself clear
Quote: Think, for a moment, about how vastly different, in so many ways, the world has become in the years since you were born. There is no reason to suspect that the future is going to be any less dramatic. The only thing we can be sure of in this uncertain world, is that something new will always be waiting round the corner. You are changing, by the day. So too, is your situation. Despite what you fear or think, this is just as it should be. Adapt with pride.
just wanted to post something sage wrote, just to remind me, that time is what i need, just give it time
Quote: As far as the sense of security....I can relate to this too...as late as March (6 months after the bomb), h told me that "he still wasn't sure he wanted to be married". Yikes. But fairly recently (2 months ago? about 11 months after?) he told me that he "wanted to be married to me forever". Good stuff.
I'm sorry that you've been feeling down, KK. I'm not sure I've read deeply enough to understand exactly what you're feeling...but you know that I can relate to much of the sadness and confusion.
I think you mentioned that it wasn't necessarily directed at the state of the R...but maybe more at the state of your life?
sigh. I can relate.
I think I'm having my OWN MLC
I got home from school last night...and relaxed on the couch and thought...goodness...how has this LIFE escaped me so?
I haven't regained my enthusiasm for school My job drives me nuts but I'm totally unmotivated to do something else I spend NO time on my volunteer job anymore My r with my mother is in shambles my r with my dad, stepmom and half-brother isn't far behind.
All doable stuff...but I'm sad and mad at myself for what I've let go...particularly since it's not how I "view" myself.
Anyway....another thread hijack!
BTW- don't know if this makes you feel more positive but I was gonna point Loved One at your thread to give her a positive viewpoint!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Seems like the holiday brings on depressing thoughts, even though they shouldn't .
But I love the quote by sage and I think we all need to work on ourselves. We have hurtles to jump, oceans to swim, mountains to climb. We will come out better people. Just think of this as a growing period in your life. This DOES NOT mean an end to our M's. It means we are growing into better people, understanding things that need to be changed. You will get past this. I will get past this crap and our S's will get past it also. And hopefully after we get through it all we will reconnect with our S's. It will hopefully be better than ever. This comes only from our growth, understanding, patience and above all our love. So just know we have to go through these bad times and feelings to get to the good times!
I'm sorry you're feeling low kitti. Having been there recently, it is hard to get past.
Quote: So just know we have to go through these bad times and feelings to get to the good times!
And you have MANY more good times ahead of you kitti.
You can't go back and fix the you from yesterday. All you can do is focus on the YOU from today, and look forward to the YOU that you'll be tomorrow. You know that you are a different person than you were, and you are growing and changing every day. As long as you continue to grow and change as an individual, and don't let life become stagnant, you will find many more good times ahead. That will flow through you and into your M naturally.
You'll get past this slump. Trust me...the good times are right around the corner.
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
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