1. OK, change "unacceptable" to "destructive to family" Your wife does NOT care what you accept when she's addicted to an affair. She WILL pay SOME attention to warning signs she's neglecting her son. And EVERY HOUR she puts into OM is an HOUR she is NEGLECTING care and support of her son.. You can't be a cheating addict AND a good parent.. its one or the other. Focus on the harm to family, she won't give a damn if YOU think its unacceptable.
2. There is a lot of debate as to how young you can expose infidelity to. Phil McGraw allowed children age 15 to appear on his show when he did an affair intervention last fall... Great episode (two parter, got the wife to end her affair). So, I say yes college is fair game.
Aim for embarassing OM and indirectly WS. Focus on harm to FAMILY and stick to the truth. Just let the truth come out. If you stick to teh truth and they complain (and trust me they will) you just tell them you will not enable behaviour that is destructive to you, her marriage, and her son anymore. Tell her if she is proud of harming her family and her son then she has no reason to hide it... Basically telling her to tell the truth and like it or to stop the destructive behaviour.
Infidleity IS an addictive activity like gambling... its an impulse control disorder where a person gets hooked on the high of a fantasy that is destructive and will allow the world around them to deterioriate to an embarassing mess before letting go of the high again.
Expose it to the public view and make the secret love affair into an embarassing mess she will want OUT of FAST...
Do NOT warn her, do NOT argue or justify yourself when she confronts you, just stick to a simple hard hitting statement
"I did this to protect me, you, and our son and I would do it again.. you are HARMING CHILDREN"
And WALK AWAY.. always walk away after that to let what you have said resonate. Do NOT get sucked into an argument.
State your position and EXIT.
Collect as much INTEL as you can. Some people may demand intel to believe you.
Do NOT warn your wife or use exposure as a threat, she will just run damage control first and paint you out as a jealous monster husband and ruin your credibility before you open your mouth.
Exposure is a RACE.. the first one there has a LOT more credibility than the second one coming in the gate.
If you expose first your wife will just look like she's doing clumsy damage control and will have limited credibility.. HIT FAST, hit HARD, and STAND BACK..
avoid confrontation with your wife.. make the affair unpleasant and stay back and wait for her to reconsider her position...
Alays present yourself ina calm, mature, and responsible manner... people will watch how you handle yourself and compare with her.. let her act crazy and yell, it just lends more credibility to you and she will want OUT of the affair to get away from the stress and teh shame.
It does NOT always work, it depends on how much public image is important to these two...
