My opinion - This is how they show love and keep score. So it's a way to hurt you in their eyes. Co-dependents can't verbalise their wants or needs. To a co-dependent love is conditional you broke their unexpressed conditions and this is how they punish you. Co-dependence, passive- aggressive, procrastination and pessimistic thinking all go hand in hand.
When you made the comment to your H about him getting checked out on the fertility issue it shamed him. Shame is when you think something is wrong with you. This triggers fear in a co-dependent because your love is conditional and if you think something is wrong with him (shame) then he is unlovable by you. Rejection is the worst. This leads to the mindreading - "you think/feel _____." She rejected me because she thinks something is wrong with me. This doesn't excuse his behavior just trying to help you understand. Make sense?
Do you see how his Mom has conditions for love and mind-reads you? This is a form of emotional blackmail. When I was a boy my mother would tell me she would cry if didn't do what she wanted. Made me responsible for her feelings. Not my responsiblity anymore. The only thing you can do is model healthy boundaries and show him that you are responsible for you own feelings.
180 idea - ask him to help you with something Goal - get him to ask you out
You are doing the right things for yourself. What's the anger really trying to tell you?
Squash the only sport preppier than lacrosse. I grew up in Baltimore and coach HS lax.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
