Excuse my bad typing - just sliced left ring finger whilst washing an empty food csn!
Maybe it is a sign - cut off the ring finger so as to never make same mistskes again!
I talk to her sMIL. I have no one else that has any insight into her world left. All other mutual contscts refused to discuss anything to do with our M/R/D. Her Dad just doesn't talk about that kind of stuff. I want to remain friends with him irrespective of my sitch with his daughter. He didn't want this to happen either, but I won't let him be my go-between.
She has always been v jealous of her younger brother, as she feels he has been seen as the prodigal child in terms of staying in farming and then becoming a vet. She feels very much that her Dad isn't proud of her because she chose finance after not doing too well at med school due to a relationship with a much older woman that no-one in her family approved of (quite rightly, it was one of her previous teachers, which makes me squirm a bit). She left with a science degree, and the family always blamed this relationship for her not doing as well as she could've done. She also believes this is the reason.
Her Dad is extremely proud of her, although has less understanding of the world of accountancy and auditing than he does of her brother's work. They both got exactly equal treatment from both parents by all accounts of family friends and sMIL. I think she still harbours resentment of her brother, particularly his closeness to his Dad.
Regarding the gay thing - it has always been don't ask, don't tell, although for the first time ever about 4 weeks after meeting me she went home and poured her heart out to her parents. She always said she was so glad that her Mum knew she was so unbelievably happy with me before she died a few months later. We all think her brother is gay too (including the sMIL) but he'll probably never come out for fear of hurting his father.
The relationship with the older woman was the only time she has ever been dumped - and that happened when she was about 20ish I think. Since then she's had these 3 yr cycles where she cheats her way out onto the next, except for the 8 months before we met where she just basically dated and had 6 week flings.
As has been previously said, she's addicted to the romance. Evidenced by the cycle of relationships and her need to be "like we were in the beginning" and "feel totally in love", "have butterflies" and the momentous kitchen moment of "I realised this isn't what I want for the next 30 yrs of my life." "I don't know who I am anymore." "I've recently realised what fun is again and how unhappy I've been lately" (obviously relating to spending time with the evil OW).
She currently obviously wants a new woman every time the last one gets boring because of having to deal with reality! I can't fix her, I doubt she'll ever go to counselling. Like Allen says she'll just have to find out the hard way at some point. Until then she'll keep running and never find herself.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
