I am not telling you how to feel. Trust me, I get the range of emotions you can feel in a span of 60 seconds. Although my situation is certainly not new I still deal with feelings that span the spectrum.
If you feel you made mistakes in the past all you can do at this point is learn from it and alter how you do things now. If you can go to sleep each night knowing that you have made mistakes in your past (we all have!) but are trying to improve now, well, life will be just fine.
My gentle advice would be not to get too caught up in hoping your W will feel or have some grand consequence. I can openly admit from time to time I still struggle with that. My H might or might not ever have the consequence I want him to have/feel. When my mind goes to that track I try and remember how much energy I am wasting on something I have no control over.
