how do i keep my hope alive?

[trytryagain]

hey OTM. wow, i just realized it's been a week since i posted on here. i just don't need the forum like i used to, i guess.

nothing has changed between my H and i. absolutely no contact between us for over 2 weeks, with the exception of an email from him today asking me about the status of our separation agreement.

i've accepted that this is moving forward and that my H will be filing for D in august. i have detached and am working on moving forward. trying to get myself back out there and i feel i'm ready to begin dating again after 4 months of celibacy!

my H is a complete stranger to me. i know nothing about him anymore...where he is, what he does, who he does it with. i stopped caring because it hurt too much to care. so i don't. i am taking care of myself and doing the best i can on my own. i find i think of him less and less and rarely find myself missing him these days. my mind is on another man and though nothing's happened with him yet, my focus isn't on my H, which makes moving forward a lot easier.

i wish i had a success story to report, but i think that my H's idea of marriage and commitment is just very different from mine. he may never regret this, or he may end up crying on my doorstep a month from now. but i've come a long way in the last 4 months and i'm not going to sit around and wait for him to get his head out of his as$ anymore.

if anything, i guess i should be grateful that he walked away, because i never would have and i would have let this go on for years before ever admitting to myself that i was unhappy in my M and that i wanted my H to be a better partner. he's not a bad person, just troubled, and it's not my job to fix that anymore.

running my first 10k on sunday. hopeful to go on my first "date" in 5 years here soon. taking it one day at a time. loving every minute.