How 2 fix sex issue if he won't let me?

[JeanBean]

So sorry to hear about all you are going through! I can really feel for both of you and can put myself in both shoes.

I can only imagine for her the shame she must carry with her and I know it is hard but you must try to be patient with her. The things she has gone through have scarred her alot inside and the more she realizes that she is unhealthy the scarier it is for her and the worse she feels about herself.

If she is reluctant to alot of things you may recommend something for her to do for herself. There is a lady called Rori Raye that has a diva CD that I ordered to try to help myself to gain confidence and "love myself". She has to understand that the only thing YOU can do is be patient and encourage her but she needs to do the work on herself and it is possible to get there.

Please don't be critical or judgemental with her about whether she is doing anything about it or not, sometimes it is hard to even get up on some days when you are very depressed and being judged only makes it worse.

I was raised in a Christian home where sex was NOT discussed and I have had 1 partner - my husband so needless to say I have been pretty clueless on "finding your sexuality" and my husband just assumed I should be curious to know however, if you were raised a certain way or have baggage that makes you feel guilty or ashamed about it you may not want to talk about it and don't realize you have been stunting your own growth, thus hurting not only you but your household.

I would recommend you encourage her to go get some self-help books for her about self-esteem and also the Rori Raye CDS I mentioned above. If she learns that she should not be ashamed or embarrased about being a woman and to embrace and accept herself it will help her alot.

I have suffered from depression and abuse both physically and mentally and was diagnosed with ADHD last year. It is really hard to pick yourself up when you don't feel like you are any good and that you don't have anything to offer or the life is sucked out of you. It is a very vicious black hole that is hard to climb out of.

You should do things to help yourself with your depression because you most likely are depressed too, it is hard to be with someone who is depressed for a long period of time without going through at least a mild form of depression. I am not sure you want to ditch your flying if that is something that you love and makes you happy, that may just add to it if you don't have an outlet.

I have taken medication and therapy but I have found that the most useful ways out of depression are through doing things that you love to do and make you feel good about yourself - things you are proud of. Also, a relationship with God (if you are spiritual) is a big help.

Sounds like you both have things you need to do individually that should help alot with your interactions with each other. If you are each willing to take responsiblity in things and do what you need to on your end, two healthier happier people have a chance of connecting.

I have 3 kids of my own and I am not from a broken home and I believe that a healthy relationship between 2 people is the most rewarding thing you can give to your children and it sounds like you both love them and they need both of you. The fact you are seeking help deserves a huge pat on the back! Good luck to you both! Just my 2 cents... :o)