...As far as she's let on, there was no sexual or physical abuse, but her mother was extremely emotionally abusive, and was a manipulative mean-drunk alcoholic. Her dad backed up anything her mom did/said without ever looking into the real story. So yes, there are issues lurking there.
...She feels like she is a failure to me, and a failure to the kids. This doesn't help any and makes it like walking on eggshells.
...I've suggested she try MB, but she won't have anything to do with that. I've explained the reason is not some sick perversion of mine, but rather as a way for her to get more comfortable with her sexuality. She's never touched herself other than for hygiene.
Wow, it sounds like your wife and mine may have almost been sisters in some respect.
One thing that has really helped my wife has been my working with her and our sex therapist to set clear boundaries on what it will take to keep me from divorcing my wife in terms of physical connection and a loving relationship.
However, the two things that she has said from her perspective, that made the most difference were my trying to show her love in her two primary languages of love almost every day and my making huge lifestyle changes through my GAL program.
She has said that her feeling loved for the first time in years allowed he to open up to the point that she could talk about our relationship and the lack of sex, including her feelings of sexual falure. She also said that seeing how quickly I was changing (loosing weight, getting in shape, improving my health) made her realize that she could change as well. Exercise is great for mild depression and for helping to get you to focus on the big picture.
We aren't totally out of the woods yet, but I pray we are pretty close. Our sex live has improved to a level that is more than acceptable, although my wife claims to have never MB in her life.
Good luck to you. I am a strong believer in Getting a Life and in the Five Languages of Love.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
