Its the whole pride thing. Think about it this way: has there ever been a time in your life when you have done something stupid, and then your pride gets in the way because you know it was the wrong choice so you try to ignore that you made the choice, or blame it on someone else?
Yes, most of us stopped doing that in high school...
Its really the same thing, but on an escalated level.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
After my second mediation session my STBXW said "sorry, I know this isn't what you want." I just looked at her and kept walking and she said again "I'm sorry." And I kept walking.
The longer I'm away and the more I read the Susan Anderson book "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" the more I see my desperate efforts to hold on to her despite the fact I was getting ZERO out of the relationship other than being able to put my daughters to sleep every night was fear of abandonment that goes back to childhood.
So I'm better every day, but I'm still likely to never say "I forgive you." I don't plan and am trying not to carry around anger, but I'm not going to give her an emotional pass either. There were so many more things we could have done to turn things around and she chose to do none of them.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
I think society has made it easier to walk away than to stay and fight. Everyone is about taking the easy road, just walking away and leaving it all behind. It is a shame for so many, especially when you have good men and women out there who are willing to fight the good fight, even if it is technically a "losing" battle. But regardless of the length of time you fight, at least you do. You did not give up and walk away. You chose to hang in there, and try to resolve the situation.
One thing I realize is that the WAS will, inevitably some day, look back and feel like a failure because deep down, they know that they were the reason that the marriage did not work. You may be able to put up a good front for friends and family, but in the end, you cannot hide from yourself.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Lola, well put. I do believe most WAS's do feel guilt and remorse on some level, and maybe more so in times of loneliness. However, they have to put up a front for friends and family in order to make it look like they are doing the right thing for themselves and to continue telling themselves it is what they need to do. I am sure that there are always exceptions to this rule in that some people don't feel the sorrow and remorse. But we can only hope they are just a few. I believe karma will have its way with them. Shock
Thanks for the support guys, I am feeling really down for the last 4 or 5 days. I have so many good memories of my previous life. I hate that right now.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
It sucks. I am having a bit of one of those days too, but have gotten to a point where I can smile at the good memories. Mine was just remembering how the SG used to come and take me to lunch on his days off. I know there was a time when we were happy.
Someday you will look at those good days, and smile, and remember that your entire marriage, no matter what your W says, was not always miserable.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I still avoid thinking about the good times because it just makes it feel like this was the most selfish thing in the world for my stbx to do. There are places on this earth that I cannot ever imagine I will visit again because of the good memories that are associated with her and them. That feeling will probably eventually change but I don't see it happening for quite some time.
I am trying to be thankful for what I do have but for some reason I started to miss my stbxw a lot the last few days. The new lady is very understanding about the stages of divorce and grief so she has suggested maybe we cool it until my D is final. We are going out tonight for a walk through the city and I think I am going to talk to her about it. I guess I am suprised that I am not "over" my stbxw.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
