I have been doing a lot of thinking today about my situation.
This touching base every week is very difficult as he always goes back to OW as he is still in replay.
Today S asked if he could pick him up from the cinema as I had been invited to a party and couldn't. H can't do it because he is going to a party. So my party goes to support S and fetch him.
His life at the moment evolves around OW and her demands. My children have to fit in with her time table. Whenever they do something i.e have a holiday which increases his guilt H moves nearer home for a time. His ping ponging around is having a huge effect on the children particularly the youngest. S physical symtoms of stress are back.
There are still postives I see when he visits. Offereing to put some outside maintenance right, very tactile this week with our son, dogs and the cats,talking about memories from his senior school days duting parents evening, wanting to visit a chinese takeaway shop we used regularly in the months before he left and remembering the lovely meals we had from there.
To distance myself and try and regroup I am considering not being in the house when he visits. He is currently withdrawn anyway. There is currently no communication with me and very very little with the children between visits.
I know he is depressed and sad and confused. But so are all the family and at the moment they are my priority. By completely detaching I will be able to make the best informed decision for me and the children and our future.
It will allow me to stand right back and watch and gather my thoughts.
