"All rise"

[faithisbelieving]

Now I know why it's been so hard to leave here. All I have to do is read the above. You all are so right.

I say to all here with certainty that I know that:
-I will be lonely in the ensuing weeks when my children leave
-the insults, laundry thrown on the floor and walking on eggshells is now going away
-there will be peace for me
-that my children love me and miss me when they are away
-there are good things coming my way

To Donna and Kerry....and Bill: it is so true that what really matters is that the children are happy and that the pressure they felt between their parents will dissolve. Sadly, last night, for the first time, my son said to me, "well, dad, you and mom will probably get back together in 2 years." He looked so distraught when I told him that it was not going to happen. He asked me why? Again...what do you say? I said that mommy and daddy were very unhappy together and that mommy deserves to be happy. So does daddy.

Is it a little boy thing....the jealousy? Is it normal? Is it expected? If you do have those feelings and you channel it appropriately, is that right or healthy? I don't know.

To Donna...we just lost our 17 year old cat and Sammy, our greyhound, had to be put to sleep last August. The kids lost both their beloved pets in a few months. And, as mundane as this must sound, XW will probably abandon their hamster. I will ask her to take it with her as I can't take care of it now.

Finally, Bill, I'm not sure how you could do that...shake OM's hand. I, too, have read those stories. I recall reading one story here where the ex-husband went on some sort of vacation with his XW and OM. I know how courageous Kerry has been with an OM who is several decades older than he.

Is it courage? Will I have to shake hands with bagelman if he becomes XW's new man?

Bleh.

Focus, I guess, is key right now. Focus on restarting my life. Focus on the kids when I have them. As all you have said above, focus on the happiness of my children, in, whatever form that may be.

My work begins.

Finally, today, at 9AM, I received a text from XW:

Aren't you supposed to pay me custody today?

My response?

Yes.

Bleh.

FIB