We did go to WW Marriage Encounter a few years ago, and it helped in the short term but tanked within 2 weeks of coming home because she didn't feel comfortable sharing her feelings, instead she explained her actions when we tried to dialog rather than revealing her feelings. From little glimpses I've gotten inside her it seems that she's not feeling "in love" and that she's hurting a lot too (Last fall I point blank asked her if she felt in-love, explaining what I meant and she told me no but then later retracted that a few days later).
As far as she's let on, there was no sexual or physical abuse, but her mother was extremely emotionally abusive, and was a manipulative mean-drunk alcoholic. Her dad backed up anything her mom did/said without ever looking into the real story. So yes, there are issues lurking there. She cut off communication with her parents after our 3rd year of marriage after a bunch of shenanigans her mother pulled telling friends I was abusing W, that our oldest had something wrong with him (he graduated at the top of his class in a private high school that sends 98% of its students to 4 year colleges). She feels like she is a failure to me, and a failure to the kids. This doesn't help any and makes it like walking on eggshells.
I've suggested she try MB, but she won't have anything to do with that. I've explained the reason is not some sick perversion of mine, but rather as a way for her to get more comfortable with her sexuality. She's never touched herself other than for hygiene. I think her IC suggested the same, but I am not sure. She said the IC isn't working on her sex life yet, that she has to sort through her other issues first.
I'm realizing that I myself have sunk into a kind of deep depression. Taking the quizzes on-line, it is described as "severe depression", so I am trying to get the funds together to get into IC myself. I am a little reluctant because treatment for severe depression is disqualifying for a pilot's license (I fly for a hobby), and flying is like therapy for me. I'm sure the depression is linked tightly to our marital problems.
I've spent most of the past 6 years trying to sort out what my contribution is to all this and find it very hard to find the flaws looking in the mirror. She has said that I can be critical, so I try to catch myself to prevent it, but most of the time I can't see it. Lately I get moody, and am finding it difficult to focus on work as well as getting things done around the house, but I can't seem to shake it. The worst part is all this is deeply affecting the kids too.
