I think this is my home for the next 6 months...

[ericmsant2]

Shelbel

I've seen them trying to *protect* me through this, like little men. I need to make it so they don't feel they have to. They need to be able to be children & not act like adults because the adults just can't manage it.

Good approach Shel - it's hard. I found that I leaned on my kids alot and I then I realized that this is not there issue. All you can do is really love them. They are not adults so try and shield them as much as possible. Listen to them, respect them and truly be the MOM that you are. They will understand one day and they are looking at how you deal with this.

Still loving someone who has gone off the deep end doesn't make me weak. Or stupid. Or delusional.

No it does not. For me, I finally accepted that I will always love my W but that does not mean that we will be together. It takes time to get to this point. Don't rush, don't push - just go with the natural process of life. To do this though...you must accept that you do not control everything.

I need to work on not hurting people. People who more often than not don't deserve it.

The one comment I would have here..is a piece of advise that Lostforward gave me which was...."be the change and type of person that YOU want to see in the world". A very simple approach but one that is hard to follow. Life's challenges, the nastiness that exist today - all of this can change how we percieve and interact with people. The key is to realize that YOU can CHOOSE to be different. YOU can choose to NOT let anothers action change how you feel.

If I had applied a little of that philosophy to my M, maybe we wouldn't have gotten so far down this path.

Or maybe we would have. I will never know.

You MAYBE right that you may never know why H decided not to face his demons but you sure can look at your role and made the modification so that you become who you want to be.

is treat H with the same compassion and empathy

A very nice place to start.

And then treat myself with that same compassion and empathy.

You do this by GAL'ing, by accepting that EVERYONE (and that includes YOU) will make mistakes. Key is to learn and grow from them.


You sound good Shebel...much better than I was at this stage. You should be proud of yourself. Keep up the good work.

God Bless,
Eric