Came home today to an empty house. says it all really.
WAW came back after a 5 month walkout when she had left me with the kids.
She had a 4 week affair during the walk out.
She came back and confessed all, left college, avoided all contact with OM, and eventually threw out all reminders of him.
2 M ago, she started to drift away from me, ie no return texts, touching, calling me love, ect.
And today this bomb shell.
She has arranged another place to live, and taken everything of hers. I still have furniture ect.
She has the boys.
She phoned me and said she would drop the boys off here on tomorrow @11am till Monday.
I gave it an hour and then text back telling her to make it @2pm as I would be out.
Question?....
What next?
What can I expect?
What have people who this has happened to before done about it that made things worse, or what they should have done better in hindsight.
Strangely, I feel ok at the moment.
I have been expecting this in some way for about a month, and so through other advice I received and what I have read, of that has been given to other people. I am not in a pit of depression.
Angry, YES.
But, Detached from it all at the moment.
The one thing I do want to do is not make hasty judgements based on anger or emotion which I will later regret.
So...?
Firstly, Do I let her bring the kids here, to their home, or do I meet her at a neutral location.
My anger at the first meeting, well, may make me say something silly and regretful. Or the same for her.
At a neutral spot at least it would be cordial and more controlled.
Advice on this?
Do I stop the joint account - and for at least until she could receive some government benefits, her access to my money. She has some money to last her, perhaps for a month or 2, but I don't want the kids to suffer and be used as pawns.
Or do I continue to offer access to the money and trust she will not be stupid? Cutting her off shows a determination on my behalf, but it does close the door a little further, and start her digging her heels in to prove her determination.
My instinct is to allow her access to the account.
BUT.....
I have followed this type of action / instinct before, and it has led me here.
I have a growing feeling to close the account and make a stand. Not out of anger, oh no, not out of anger. But to make a demonstration that I am ready for the break up. It would help clear my mind and let me focus upon the actions that are needed and not the emotional & 'hopeful' responses that show I will continue waiting.....and hoping.
And so I eventually arrive at the true conundrum.
I do honestly believe that this is resolvable, and will be resolved in that the family will be back together.
But now at the moment the family is broken - she is blaming me for this at the moment, and has not accepted her part in this.
But that is her problem, and I cant fix that.
I feel that it is time for me to break away, square my shoulders, grow some nads, and stop fence sitting - these splinters in my arse are getting septic..
My aims are to detach from her more.
Continue communication when I am ready.
Look after myself.
Be in control of me and my world.
Reduce her influence upon me and accept the worst and plan for it.
Question?
Do I seek legal advice ?
Do I petition for Divorce?
Whilst things seem amicable at the moment, should I seek professional advice with regards to the boys?
I ask for you to help me not make emotional judgements, but ones based upon previous results and proven actions from fellow poor souls who have gone through this.
I am a little muddled as there are so many imponderables.
But let us start at the beginning.
Where do we meet up for an exchange of the boys?
What paths have people followed in the past...?
Regards, Gyn.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
