W just told me she wants out

[Bobby]

Thanks for your input. FIB, what am I looking for? Just small things to verify that things are still moving in the right direction. Last night when I was ready to leave for work W came to me for a hug. That's the things I'm looking for.
I'm not expecting much all at once. The little things for me mean alot.

[faithisbelieving]

Then...you either have patience or apply pressure, the latter of the two least effective.

If you have patience...and your wife is not sleeping or dating anyone...then...you have time, no?

FIB

[Bobby]

Hi everyone. Hope everything is going well. I'm back for a little support. A little update. It's been 3 mo. and me and W have not been intimate yet. I haven't asked or tried. W hugs me if I initiate. come to think of it she hasn't kissed me yet. Many times I feel like saying "I'm tired of living like roomates". I would like some input from someone who has been through this. I don't want to do the wrong thing . I know we've come a long way from where we were 6 mo. ago. it's just hard to stay patient.

[faithisbelieving]

Not having intimacy is a problem. Even if a woman doesn't want to or isn't ready to have intercourse, there are still other ways for the two to share. Emotionally, she sounds closed.

Are you SURE there isn't another man?

Are you two in counselling?

Have you tried Retrouvaille?

FIB

[fudwoman]

Just butting in here for a second - my H and I also are completely not touching. I'm trying hard to work on making him feel safe so I don't push it. I know my H well enough to know that when he feels unsafe there is absolutely NO physical contact. There are no other people in our situation so that's not the issue behind the lack of physical intimacy. I just want to bring that into the discussion to underscore the point that no touch does not equate to there being a third party.

In the meantime Bobby - it sucks to be in limbo-land where every day and often several times within the day it's hard to tell exactly if things are stable, moving toward something good or continuing to head south.

I feel for ya.
A.

[faithisbelieving]

I just want to bring that into the discussion to underscore the point that no touch does not equate to there being a third party.

It may not but, sadly, in many cases it can and does. Whatever the real issues are, don't ever stick your head in the sand. No one is saying there is, but, having been here for awhile, the burn is much greater when you choose to look the other way. As Dr. Phil says in one of his books, "you own your marriage". Be smart. Don't live in denial. Know. Learn. Grow.

FIB