These WAW's are bold as hell. You may as well look at them as a "devil", because during and around the affair they truly are living that life. The WAW's have compartamentalized us, and in their mind its all rational. I get mad every time I think about it.
Right now, she is one sick woman. I can't believe that she is taking most of the money and is going to screw everything up with our bills just to prove she is in control. She is the one having an A.
I am mad as hell right now at her!
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
LSG - you're going through really tough stuff. I'm just asking...have you considered getting checked for depression or anxiety? The OM sitch may have affected you more than you think, as well as your natural concern for your family.
BTW - why do you think she will screw up the bills? Give her at least a chance. Maybe help her know what to pay. I'm sure this is a VERY hard situation. Be strong. Be patient.
Don't let anger destroy your opportunities as we men so often do...
I have calmed down. I guess I have not hit my rock bottom yet. I wonder what wonderful thing I will have to deal with next. I will be okay no matter what happens. I just have to believe that now. That is the hard part for me.
I do appreciate all the support I get here. I need as much as possible. This is just a terrible position I am in at the moment.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
We all have to figure this out on our own. The support we get helps, but we have to be the ones to take action. I am not trying to sound like Coach or Puppy or any of the vets, believe me. I was told for months what I needed to do. You have been told. Hell, we know deep down inside what we need to do. You just have to do it.
I wish I could tell you I had some sort of epiphany that woke me up. I wish I could tell you for sure that I won't backslide and make more mistakes. I guess I had just had enough. You realize that this is no way to live. Try as you might, you can't heal your W and, therefore, your family by yourself. Patience is one thing, getting $hit on constantly is another.
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I will be okay no matter what happens. I just have to believe that now. That is the hard part for me.
I understand. Everyone does. Puppy posted on my thread yesterday. He quoted me saying that I felt great about not worrying about what W thought anymore or something to that effect. Anyway, he only typed three words: Liberating, ain't it? Man, it is true. We spend so much time being scared of losing our families. When you finally let go and talk to your W like you would have years ago without worrying if she would leave, it feels the opposite of how you think it will. It feels liberating.
Again, I know how you feel. You have to do this on your own time. I will tell you as a newbie what the pros have been telling us from day one: stand up for yourself and your family! Don't be afraid of your W! Don't be afraid, period!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are right we do have to figure this out on our own. I just wish I knew what was best for my sitch. I read the suggestions and what I should do. I try to understand and think how I can use what I am being told for my sitch, but I worry that I will lose the kids, and I have to focus on protecting them even if I am miserable. I found out that that is what she wants. She wants me to be miserable. I cannot say how I know this, but it is true.
I know you and everyone else cannot do it for me. I have had enough, but I need to make sure that I have some financial stability before I am able to make the tough decisions that I wish I could make now.
I need and want a job so bad. I want this more than anyone could imagine. It has been so tough for me to find one. I don't know why. I have some opportunities that look promising, but it cannot be soon enough for me.
I read your thread all the time, and I am just so happy that you have found peace in your sitch. I am not afraid of my W, but I am seriously concerned about losing the kids. I can lose everything else, but not them.
I know I need to do something, but I need to make sure that I have my rights as a father and am not a dad sometimes.
I really appreciate you posting to my thread today. You are going through a similar situation, and you give me hope all the time. Thank you so much for some peace of mind today.
This may sound kind weird to say, but I am very proud of what you have accomplished in your thread. Keep doing what you are doing. I have so much respect for you!
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
I need and want a job so bad. I want this more than anyone could imagine.
Buddy, I'm sure this adds a dimension to things that, thankfully, I haven't had to deal with. There is not a good time to go through something like this. It makes it even worse to be unemployed or underemployed. I would tell you to remain diligent in your job searching, but I know you are.
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I know I need to do something, but I need to make sure that I have my rights as a father and am not a dad sometimes.
If you haven't already, see a lawyer. You don't have to retain one yet, just get some information so you know what to expect on that front.
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This may sound kind weird to say, but I am very proud of what you have accomplished in your thread. Keep doing what you are doing. I have so much respect for you!
Thank you very much. When you do detach, you will feel the same way. I still want to save my M. I didn't really understand how to let go and still work on us. I finally do. When you understand it, you will be unaffected by her moods or tirades and general bitchiness. And that is a wonderful way to feel again!
You are right we do have to figure this out on our own. I just wish I knew what was best for my sitch. I read the suggestions and what I should do. I try to understand and think how I can use what I am being told for my sitch, but I worry that I will lose the kids, and I have to focus on protecting them even if I am miserable. I found out that that is what she wants. She wants me to be miserable. I cannot say how I know this, but it is true.
LSG, I felt that mine would prefer me miserable too. What I rediscovered is I can make it nearly impossible for her to force misery on me as long as I take care of myself. For me this means getting outside the house and doing some fun things, taking care of my physical health, eating well and enjoying new progress. We're obviously not gong to make progress in the marriage so we can backburner that.
I'm looking forward to taking some classes at the community college and boning up in area's of my career. Also I would like to get out to some dance clubs, and someone mentioned church single group. I know its going to feel good taking a salsa dance class and being close to a lady who has no pre-determined bias against me. Its also going to feel good to be successful in various area's outside of marriage.
How do you think your wife got turned against you? The OM? Her friends?
Originally Posted By: LSG
I know you and everyone else cannot do it for me. I have had enough, but I need to make sure that I have some financial stability before I am able to make the tough decisions that I wish I could make now.
I need and want a job so bad. I want this more than anyone could imagine. It has been so tough for me to find one. I don't know why. I have some opportunities that look promising, but it cannot be soon enough for me.
You'll get your new job. Right now your job is finding a job. I was there too, and probably looked at 3,000 to 5,000 jobs over a one year period. It also makes you feel better to go after the job search like a job. I started logging the jobs I was searching by job title, location and date. It helped. I did my job search for around 8 hrs for the day, and afterward would go to the gym and workout.
Originally Posted By: LSG
I read your thread all the time, and I am just so happy that you have found peace in your sitch. I am not afraid of my W, but I am seriously concerned about losing the kids. I can lose everything else, but not them.
I know I need to do something, but I need to make sure that I have my rights as a father and am not a dad sometimes.
I'm sure the attourneys can help you to stay within parameters that allow you to keep your rights as a father. Also in our state there is the "CPS" ( Child Protective Services ) offices, where in my case it may pay to educate myself on them and attend any classes they have on parenting.
Originally Posted By: LSG
I really appreciate you posting to my thread today. You are going through a similar situation, and you give me hope all the time. Thank you so much for some peace of mind today.
This may sound kind weird to say, but I am very proud of what you have accomplished in your thread. Keep doing what you are doing. I have so much respect for you!
It makes me feel good anytime any of you have a success, or strengthen your position. Also some of the men and women whose hands where forced to divorce or spouse is outside of the house, their spouse is currently out of their mind. Theres nothing you can do about that.
