I think I need to walk away from this. The only person getting destroyed is me.
I don't know what to say on the denial part, but I'm sorry to hear you're feeling destroyed. That's a pretty powerful word and emotion and I'm sorry you're in that place. No matter what you decide to do, you've got my respect and support, as I'm sure you have from everyone here, plus your friends and family too.
I guess you have to take good care of yourself first, before you can do it for others. Otherwise after a while, you have nothing left to give. To anyone. Including you.
I'm sorry I can't offer you anything constructive about how to manage a spouse having an affair. I just hope you're taking care of yourself I guess, that's all. Keep posting.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.