I just found out from a friend of a friend that was at school with the OW that all the OW's female members of the family are the same. Apparently her mother was the whore of their village, even after she was married. Explains where she got at least some of her behaviour from. Doesn't explain the behaviour of my STBXW though.
JacT, do not worry, I did think of suicide, and saw a psych, but that was nearer to the bomb, and weeks before I found this site. I've been in a much better place since then. Sure I get down, and feel I am bereft of hope, but I will not sink to the deep despair I had in the future. I owe it to my friends not to put them through that again.
(((JacT))) We must both just be patient with our situations. I admire you (and everyone else) for sticking at things for so long. It is tougher than I ever imagined.
I know a pharmacist who is less than impressed with the OP behaviour. The FOG is just mad. I'd actually settle for some kind of spray to dissolve that! I feel similar to you - they are the brick wall against which we bruise our foreheads
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
I actually think that if your W knows that you are pretty forgetful about friends birthdays then that was quite a nice text to send you. Often friends don't tell us when their b'days are....but then do feel a bit upset when the day goes unmarked. A quick text to thank your W might be a nice thing back?
About y'all being the same sex - so what? There are others on here in a similar sitch. It's just a bummer any of us have ever had the reason to be here.
Now I know you are a she I feel I can send you (((((hugs))))) - hope tomorrow is a better day.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Thanks saffie - the sun is shining! and ((((())))) to you too
Glad to hear I'm not the only gay in the village. It means I can join in with all the girlie talk now! Wedding dresses and babies and and and
We did have the most beautiful wedding dresses, her in white, me in deep burgundy. I do hope I get to wear it again. We both had them designed at the same place and both had designs that complimented but were very different and that we thought we could wear again as ballgowns. Very happy memories.
Well, must be off to work. Am contemplating hosting a BBQ tomorrow if weather is good. Supposed to be going out for lunch but might be easier to just do it all here, and I need to christen the new one.
Have a great day everyone!
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
Sun shining here too: it woke me up early this morning - we have a vaulted ceiling above our four poster bed, with a velux window in it so we get to see the sun early each day!!!
Enjoy your BBQ.
You know, I am sure you are living close to me. If you fancy a DB get together then let me know.
Right, I am off to enjoy a long ride on one of my horses!!!!!!
Have a better day today.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Lees doesnt surprise me about her family..you often find that there is a whole history of issues with OP and that they have personality disorders galore..the website I gave early on explains it.I am still sure there is something your W is not telling you...did she have problems with her parents because of her sexuality(again apologie if I am asking too personal questions..)My gut is telling me there is something she is not telling you..only because she is trying to dig deep and hide it herself?Possible? Yes our sitchs are tough.I am begining to feel human again..I am not sure how long I can go on standing.iMLin, Saf and all the other great vets on this site show there is hope.For me it may mean putting a hand out but I am not sure thats the right thing for H.
I am not sure if its out of fear of rejection or that I dont want to back to dealing with the cdg issues. The ow in my sitch, honestly is so vile.What woman preys on a sick old man, says horrible thigs, just to get to his SIL?What kind of man then goes on to sleep with someone like that? It scares me,I have seen the person he is capable of being.
I am glad you are feeling a little stronger mentally.I have to say I also thought about suicide however the girls kept me going. I agree with Saf doesnt matter what sex you are same,diff,(not sure what you call mine!)is absolutely c*** that we are all here. Lots of hugs((())) We should have rendevous in Scotland..thats a better idea...Saf you would be up for it? I have plenty of space. Howz your back Saf?
ME 44 H 45 D 14 D 20 M 22 YEARS TOGETHER 28YEARS Bomb Drop 14th July 09 Seperated-living with OW 10mths(14/07/09) MLC 3years
Silence wasn't golden in this marriage; it was deadly," Dr. Robin L. Smith
Would love to come to Scotland Jac but I need to be around for the horses - they are a real tie. Maybe in the summer when eldest D is home from Uni and can do them for me.
As for back - general deterioration of C4 to 6, disc hernia Tll/12 with some compression on spinal cord, wear and tear L4/5 with narrowing of spinal canal and pressure on L5 nerve roots. Great eh? Add to that the fibroids they discovered and a left sided adnexal cyst. Yummy scrummy - feeling cock a hoop Why TF have I got fibroids after four children? - Not fair!!!!
Sorry for the hijack Lees.
How's your back doing Jac? I am so fed up of pill popping.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Yep there were issues with her Dad about her sexuality. Her Dad just always said nothing about it, and it took combined efforts of sMIL and a few others to get him to attend the wedding. Which he did, bless him, and enjoyed greatly. It wasn't a surprise to him she's gay, she'd been taking ladies home since the age of 16, and taken the approach many of us do - not in your face, but not hiding it either. I'm not so sure about what her Mum thought about it, as I didn't really get to know her before she died. Me and her Dad always got on extremely well though, and he genuinely cares for me, as evidenced by always asking after me and being upset if I didn't accompany STBXW to the farm on her visits. I think he's just a stubborn farmer, the whole gay thing is a bit outside his comfort zone, and difficult for him to explain to the rest of his cronies. The whole family of in-laws have never been anything but wonderful to me in both emotional and practical terms however, and all the cronies seemed genuinely delighted for us too.
It all makes her most ridiculous comment of "I married you to protect my father" even more stupid as it was such a difficult thing for the FIL to come away from the farm for a whole weekend, leaving livestock and having to explain where he was going etc. And then she was exposing him to me having half of all their family assests, so hardly a protective act! I repeatedly asked for explanation of that one, but she just said same words over and over instead!
The OM are vile and in our cases most definitely a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic, but indeed it is as you say that our spouses have also behaved in an incredibly cruel and hurtful way. I still find myself demonizing the OW all the time, and have to keep reminding myself that my wife chose that path of action too. She may also never regret it. Very sobering.
Glad you're feeling human again (((((JacT)))))
Saf - would love to meet up. Do I need to bring some drugs and a friendly set of sturgeons for you both? Are there other Midlands DBers? Hope your long ride was a lot of fun.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
btw I did text back with "thanks for the heads up"
Not expecting any response. In fact pretty much expecting never to hear from her again. Which in some ways would be nice as it still unsettles me when her name pops up on the phone, never mind turns up at the door!
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
I cannot imagine wanting to be friends with my STBXW. If I cannot be friends with her again, how on earth could we ever have a marriage? Must I go through a period of being friends with her in order to reconcile? Could I do that? Right now, I don't think so.
The status quo is comfortable. My life undisturbed by her and OW. Does this mean today I'm detached? Will I still feel detached tomorrow? Who knows?
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
Lees my H said at one point in a whisper that he would like us to be good friends..at that point I couldnt and probably still feel the same as long as he is with OW its not an option. In terms of your W remember everyone may have accepted you but the journey for her may not have been so accepting.Is there anyone you could talk to in the family that may give you some insight..I think there is some childhood issues in there..feel it in my gut.The serial cheating is a sign of something not working well in the past. Some days you will feel good and some not so good.I still have that but the thoughts of these OP posess everyone here because they are all the same....every last one of them... The good thing is you do not to make these decisions now..do it when you are ready about friendship, taking her back etc etc. I am thinking about the advice from ImLin and the the guys but I am not going to jump in...not cos I dont trust them,I do, buts its me. We should aim for a get together at some point..it would be good fun..and we need some of that...hugs to you(())
ME 44 H 45 D 14 D 20 M 22 YEARS TOGETHER 28YEARS Bomb Drop 14th July 09 Seperated-living with OW 10mths(14/07/09) MLC 3years
Silence wasn't golden in this marriage; it was deadly," Dr. Robin L. Smith
Why TF have I got fibroids after four children? - Not fair!!!!