The journey begins

[ClingingToHope]

Have you found that it's easier on you when you don't see her? In my case I'm kinda numb from the whole experience, I haven't seen her for almost a month but I'll see her in a couple of days at the court mediation meeting. We'll see how that goes.

Yes. SR. I definitely find it easier when I don't see her. I wish I could get to the point where I don't talk to her either.

I don't want to hear about her family or her job or her friends.

My divorce parenting class said we need to figure out a way to work together and the counselor suggested talking on the phone a couple of times a week.

Lord, that alarmed me. I want no part of that. I'd really just like email reports and go on with my non-STBXW life.

I've purposely backed way off on stuff with the girls. Medical and school questions. She wanted sole responsibility for this so she can have it. I'm there for the girls to confide in if necessary.

I'm guessing this will change/evolve as time goes on. There are lots of twists and turns ahead, but I will NOT be the pathetic ex- always taking whatever crumbs STBXW has to offer. I did that for the last three years of the marriage and the first several months of the separation.

[Gardener]

CTH & Romeo,

Have you found that it's easier on you when you don't see her? In my case I'm kinda numb from the whole experience, I haven't seen her for almost a month but I'll see her in a couple of days at the court mediation meeting. We'll see how that goes.

Yes. SR. I definitely find it easier when I don't see her. I wish I could get to the point where I don't talk to her either.

Personally, I have recently found that both is real good.

[karen43]

Real, real good.

[ImprovedRomeo]

but I will NOT be the pathetic ex- always taking whatever crumbs STBXW has to offer. I did that for the last three years of the marriage and the first several months of the separation.

^^^ THIS! I hear you...I did the same.

Read the long post by RobX I quoted in my thread. Don't be her plan B.

[ClingingToHope]

Internet problems at work and having the girls a couple of times this week has kept me off the boards. I'm hold with the IRS now so I'll catch up.

STBXW asked me to take the girls Monday so she could catch up at work. That was a good night.

Tuesday I got a letter from STBXW's lawyer. I'm not sure if he's lazy or intentionally mistating financial stuff.

STBXW came down more on the child support. She's already asking for less than she'd probably get on insurance. So I signed off on that.

Her lawyer, though, apparently forgot to realize we'd make some concessions on debt for a lawyer payment because he didn't include it. It's not my job to point it out though.

He did pull something. STBXW is tossing in all of her debts -- including the $10,000 or so she's run up since I moved out. I'd only tossed in the debts we compiled together.

Doing it that way cuts into her assets heavily and means she'd have to give me less. So I refigured things with all of my debts including post breakup and my calculations show she'd owe me $7k more.

I need that to pay off a couple of things.

I was a little down after getting the letter. At least things are still moving -- which is both good and bad.

Then D11 gets off the bus and she's having major problems with this one kid on the bus. He told her a couple of weeks ago that he's been stalking her. Then last week he said something really crude to her. She told her teacher and she told the ast. principal and the police were called.

Now the kid is saying he didn't say any of that stuff and his friends are intimidating D11 and other kids on the bus.

I had hoped after Monday's teacher conference I wouldn't have to see STBXW for a long while. Now I'm going to be driving D11 to and from school for the final four weeks. That means having to pick her up from the house. I've told D11 to call me every morning when she is ready to go and then I'll come get her. I don't want to be hanging around the house.

I'm picking her up today. The getting her from the house starts tomorrow. STBXW said on the phone that she can help occasionally. I said "I won't need it," but that's not entirely true. I was planning on playing golf on Friday mornings. So reluctantly I may allow her to help.

Wednesday I went on a field trip with D7. It was a lot of fun. STBXW had D7 all dolled up in period costume -- we went to an outdoors village set up like the 1860s -- and packed me a lunch.

I almost never miss field trips. That's part of the advantage of my job. My boss is a little frustrated with me, but I feel like I'm getting back into the swing of things here.

After school I went back to work and D7 had a major meltdown. The neighbor pounded on the door -- I absolutely hate that woman, it was 3:30 in the afternoon, give me a break.

By the time I got home it was smoothed over and we had a great night. D11 got her homework done. She had an OK day ignoring the thug and his friends.

Oops, the IRS is on the phone.

Overall things are good.

[ClingingToHope]

STBXW responded on the taxes. She had a jokey tone to it. There's really no reason to rehash it here. The only thing I wonder about is when she asked if we can pay the whole bill off if she gets a big chunk of money at the end of the summer?

??

By the end of summer she should be paying me a chunk for the divorce. She can't think she's going to actually sell the house -- at a profit.

I don't know. Either she's delusional or, like Awest said, something funny is going on.

I went to my singles group at church. There was just six of us tonight. Still, they have a dinner planned next Tuesday that I can make, a cookout on the one weekend in June that I'm free and a get together for July 4, which I was wondering about because STBXW will have the kids that weekend.

So that's working out really, really well.

[ImprovedRomeo]

CTH, just checking on you my friend. Kudos for taking on even more responsibility driving D11 to/from school. Sounds like it's definitely the right thing to do in this situation. You're a great dad! and don't be shy about accepting help from STBX in these matters- it's a shared responsibility afterall "Sure, that's nice of you- can you drive D11 on Fri then?"

Glad things are moving along- like you said, good and bad.

[DaddyLongShanks]

Have you found that it's easier on you when you don't see her? In my case I'm kinda numb from the whole experience, I haven't seen her for almost a month but I'll see her in a couple of days at the court mediation meeting. We'll see how that goes.

Yes. SR. I definitely find it easier when I don't see her. I wish I could get to the point where I don't talk to her either.

I don't want to hear about her family or her job or her friends.

My divorce parenting class said we need to figure out a way to work together and the counselor suggested talking on the phone a couple of times a week.

Lord, that alarmed me. I want no part of that. I'd really just like email reports and go on with my non-STBXW life.

I've purposely backed way off on stuff with the girls. Medical and school questions. She wanted sole responsibility for this so she can have it. I'm there for the girls to confide in if necessary.

I'm guessing this will change/evolve as time goes on. There are lots of twists and turns ahead, but I will NOT be the pathetic ex- always taking whatever crumbs STBXW has to offer. I did that for the last three years of the marriage and the first several months of the separation.

What about full custody of your girls?

[faithisbelieving]

What about full custody of your girls?

CTH: I was told by my attorney, after she spoke with our judge, that, the only way I was going to get custody of our children was "if they had bruises, broken bones and cigarette burns." Those knowing my sitch know that my XW had some pretty bizarre behavior over the past 4 years. My friend in the state of Mass. actually had grounds by Child Protective Services to get custody. His XW pushed their son down the stairs. They gave him custody FOR ONLY 3 MONTHS while they remanded her to a special course, then, returned custody back to her.

I think you have a good attitude and I hope you continue to hold firm to the rudder until the storm is over. There really are only two things here: a financial settlement and parenting time. Do the best to get as fair a deal on both.

Lastly, the finality of divorce affects us all differently. Even tho' my father was slowly dying of cancer many years ago, I wept at his bedside, having thought I had gotten closure. I still miss him. Similarly, I just signed my divorce stipulation 3 days ago and, four years post bomb and 2 1/2 years post filing, well...it's not easy. I DO look forward to the peace and the termination of walking on eggshells, but, that peace will bring a deafening quiet to my home as my children will be moving out with their mother. This....is divorce for us men.

Keep up the good attitude. Always keep to the high road and hold true to your N.U.T.S.

FIB

[ClingingToHope]

Thanks FIBS. My attorney and I talked long and hard about a custody fight. She's not a bad mother -- just a bad wife. I could have fought hard, ran up $15k in legal bills and would be unlikely to win.

She's offering less than what the court would order me to pay and I've got the girls about 40 percent of the nights and I'll see them 75 percent of the days.

So it's good in the grand scheme. Really, putting myself on a strict budget AND proving I could live on it really helped. I'm going to be fine -- in fact now that I don't have to put up with STBXW's crazy spending, I'll eventually be better than fine. I'll wonder why I put up with her cold hearted, wild spending craziness as long as I did.

The GALing is going better and better. I found a singles group through my church and they do things all through the summer and most of the activities are on weekends I am free. So now I have options. It's good to have options.

I'm not minimizing the affect on the kids. It'd be better if their mom could work through her depression issues and work on us. There's no doubt in my mind they are going to have lasting issues from this. I'll do my best to be there when they need me and in the end, STBXW is the one who'll have to deal with the guilt. I played a part, but I didn't end it.